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Thursday, June 23, 2005

Chubby-Chasers Unite!!

They're Big. They're Bouncy. They're... Beautiful?...

Well, at 5'8, 250lbs (Jesus Christ!!!), voluptuous Joann Bellemore argues, "yes, we are beautiful" I don't even think Ms. Aguilera would be able to sing a note to that baritone tune. Instead of waiting for Christina to update her "Beautiful" video, Ms. Bellemore created the Big Beautiful Women Network (bbwnetwork.com) so other "voluptuous" women (I'm trying to refrain from just writing "fatties") and men can meet each other, and the chubby-chasers who love them.

The group, obviously active in Green Peace, organizes several activities for full-figured guys and gals:

- They add a new twist to Milton Bradley's two-player game, "Battleship," shunning the "board game" and opting for the real-life challenge. All it takes is two, permission to come aboard, and it's "You sank my battleship!"

- The San Francisco group produces "nightclub-style dance parties." Now we know where all those tremors are coming from everytime the DJ plays House of Pain's "Jump Around." San Andreas Fault, my ass!

- One woman, at 5'3 and 245lbs, was inspired to take up swimming and karate. I think with those dimensions it ceases to be called "karate" and should be termed, "Sumo Wrestling."

I'm reminded of the recent controversy over the article in the The Journal of the American Medical Association, which suggested that people who are somewhat overweight, but not obese, have a lower risk of dying in a given year than those of normal weight. Well, more (will)power to ya. I actually haven't met too many unhappy fat people. Usually they're quite "jolly" :)

I'm glad these "voluptuous" men and women have found a means of finding each one another (other than by analyzing shifts in gravitational pull) and are having good wholesome fun at the same time. Because, if they were to assemble for malicious purposes, there's not telling what they could accomplish -- hunger strikes, seismic vibrations, tsumanis, etc. However, given their general lack of discipline in sticking to any sort of diet or exercise, I'd say it's safe that they won't be able to carry out any devious plans.

SO, "Blob-like" or "Beautiful"?
Mr. Skinny seems to vote for "Blob-like" I say they may be beautiful on the inside, but I'm only looking at the outside.

So "Blob-like" it is.


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