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Wednesday, June 22, 2005

You Want to Be a Hilton

I want to be a Hilton.

Why is the show narrated like a Dr. Seuss cartoon? "Little did they know, that they were being watched by non-other than Kathy herself" "One fish, two fish, red fish, blue fish" "Oh, the Lorax"

The show is just fraught with uncouth yokels, being led along by old money gone poor. Apparently Kathy Hilton was an actress once upon a time. Has anyone heard of anything she's been in? Well, it may have taken 40 years, but she finally is starring in her own show. Work it OUT, Kathy!!

Highlights of the show:

- The crazy asian bitch busts into song upon meeting the other candidates. A deviant strain of tourettes?

- The flaming minority faggot prances out of the cab into the Melrose Hotel. *sigh*

- A girl's name is Jackaay... and YES it's pronounced the same way as the woman who starred in 227. "Ooooo Mary!"

- The girl with CRAZY-DARK roots on platinum WHITE hair gets the right answer for why you hold a wine glass by the stem. She's rocket scientist material.

- The girl with a TRAGIC Long Island accent aspires to eat at a "faaaancy" restaurant in the future. Good luck, Trash.

- A country dumb-ass buys a socialite 4lbs of chocolate. Who needs to be thin to be popular??

- Piece of trash, Billy Bush, from Access Hollywood is tagged on the show as being part of the "Cream of New York Society." Apparently I don't live in New York, or my understanding of "Cream" is slightly askew.

- Starfucker Kyle Richards, Kathy Hilton's wannabe-celebrity sister, turns out to be the "late dinner arrival" with ALMOST 12 layers of make-up on spackled on her face. Can I latch on to Paris' fame, too? Or am I too distant a relative?

- The crazy asian bitch busts into song AGAIN and sang the words "Some people wait a lifetime, for a moment like this." I ALMOST fell out of my chair. Insanity is FUN!

Unfortunately, the flaming faggot got the boot last night. Peace out, girl scout.

Quote of the night: "Definitely her shoes cost more than our mobile home"


I want more!!!


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