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Thursday, July 07, 2005

How Many Licks

... does it take 'til you get to the center of... a jail cell?

I used to be scared of the dick
Now I throw lips to the shit
Handle it like a real bitch
Heather Hunter, Janet Jack-me
Take it in the butt, yah, yazz wha

Nipple-flashing, cock-sucking, wig-sportin' rap (p)imp-resario Lil' Kim was sentenced to a year and a day in prison yesterday for perjury. The bitch just couldn't keep her mouth shut -- a problem previously diagnosed by her sex therapist/"client". Now she'll be forced to take a year off from cock-sucking -- I mean, mic-sucking, to sit in a prison cell with other white-collar criminals. Now "Queen B" may take on a whole new meaning.

No worries, I'm sure she'll land back on her feet -- or her back, as that seems to be her natural position -- and emerge with both a stronger career and a new nickname, going the way of M. Diddy.

I think I'll send her a care package with some scuba gear and a dental damn for all that muff diving she'll be doing. Ok, I'll also throw her a bone and mail her a nice big magic stick so she can get her cockdown in lockdown.


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