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Monday, October 31, 2005

Halloween Costume

I dressed up as a Lame-Ass for Halloween, in the sense that I did virtually nothing other than go out to a bar for 15 minutes and then come home and chill out.

I was supposed to go to Patricia Field's party, but I got lazy. I really have this mental block about going anywhere in the East Village. It's not the East Village per se, but the East side of town. I don't like travelling far to go out when there are plenty of places to go right in my neighborhood. I ended up going to Barracuda, which was insanely packed. Not my scene. Too many people.

So to drive home my lame-ness, not only am I chillaxin' at home typing this shit out, but in doing so I've also declined to go to a party Justin Timberlake is throwing at Marquee tonight. I'm missing out on something Heidi Klum is doing at Happy Valley. Even Dennis Rodman is having a Halloween party at Park. God damnit!!

Oh well. My rationale is that there'll be plenty of time to hang out and go to fun things. Plus, everyone I know is sick in some form or another, so I'm definitely not trying to catch anything and be stuck in bed for forever.

Sunday, October 30, 2005

Money, Sex, Fame, Glamour

Clap Clap for Perez Hilton! He's officially made himself an enemy and the subject of a hate website. You've finally arrived, darling! You know you're not truly famous until people start hating you. In this case, the hate comes in blog-form, with a blog almost entirely devoted to talking shit about him.

Some Canadian dude, Arasto, is apparently hell-bent on sipping his Haterade and posting hateful facts and comments about Perez. I guess he's got somewhat of a following, as it seems that people send him most of the pictures he's posted in his blog. I'm sure it's all part of some devilish plot to drive traffic to each respective website.

But not to single out Perez, because the Arasto also talks shit about some dude, Trent, who writes the blog, Pink is the New Blog. I don't know him, but based on his website, I think I'd be hard pressed not to throw down with him if I met him in person. He's like a 31-year old celebrity stalker who has a link on his blog so people can add him as his Friendster. Riiiiight. And then he's got this list of concerts he's "planning to attend" which only makes me laugh because I wonder how many he's actually gone to. Whatever.

But I digress. In an ironic, "pot calling the kettle black" twist of events, it appears that Perez is sending his lawyer(s) to chat it up with Arasto. I just find it all too amusing since it wasn't long ago that Page Six sued Perez when his site used to be called Page SixSixSix for mocking its name, among other things. But, like everything else, it was probably all for the best because it got both parties even more press than they would have normally.

So *clap clap* for both Perez AND Arasto, whose symbiotic disdain for one another will ensure their next 15 minutes of fame!

Friday, October 28, 2005

Gay gay Gay gay GAY

As always, I'm a day late and a dollar short. Apparently there are rumors flying all over the internet that Wentworth Miller (who??) is in the closet and was seen holding hands with some dude.

Wentworth is the "star" of the TV show Prison Break. I have no idea what channel, day, or time it airs, but I will soon find out because the boy is fine!

Now, I may not be as big a gossip queen as, say, Perez Hilton, but I don't think this one was all that difficult to call. The boy's clearly got gay-face. I mean, look at him!

Purse those lips, boy!

OK, plus he was born in the UK, so he HAS to be gay. Yes, my logic is flawless. But he's definitely fine and Prison Break is going to be my new favorite show. So if someone can tell me when the hell the show is on the air, that would be great. Let the stalking begin!

Thursday, October 27, 2005

Miers Pulls Out

As i'm sure everyone knows, Harriet Miers withdrew her nomination for the Supreme Court today, due to lack of support from key senators and conservatives... oh, and her sheer and utter lack of qualifications for the job.

But more importantly, what will become of Rachel Dratch? Now who will she play on Saturday Night Live? Will it just be endless sketches of Debbie Downer? And whatever happened to her Zazoo character? I guess that one went away when Jimmy Fallon did. What an unfortunate turn of events. You never think of how the stifling of one person's career can affect the rise of another's.

So sad. Too bad.

Wednesday, October 26, 2005

Goofy Video

Check out this link. It's hilarious:


Tuesday, October 25, 2005

HomeComing (out) King and Queen

I was sent another article today about gayness across America. This time it was about a Homecoming King and Queen at Buffalo Grove High School in Chicago.

I love the boy's face in the picture. He's all "I'm the Homecoming King. Haaaaaay!!!"

Of course, the article included an obligatory quote from a conservative fanatic, Pete LaBarbera, commenting on how sad it is that "Something that was once sort of universally regarded as a sin is now becoming sort of cool in high school." Golly gee, Pete! Isn't every sin cool in high school? I guess we'll just tack that one on to drinking and premarital sex.

The best part is the opening sentence of the article:

It may not shock people that a jock and a cheerleader were chosen as homecoming king and queen at a Chicago high school, but some were surprised by which was which.


On a bi-weekly basis, I think I kick myself for not taking the time The Onion. I read in another blog that they published an article called Bush to Appoint Someone to be in Charge of the Country. The newly created Cabinet position will be titled the "Secretary of the Nation". Quality. Check it out.

Sunday, October 23, 2005

Snake Eyes

Lady Bunny posted some interesting pics on her blog, with an even wittier title than my lame-ass could come up with: Suck the Magic Dragon

If that thing fucked me, I think I'd die from the laughter, but smile from the slither. Although, the guy looks pretty dirty... I'm sure that dragon breathes fire. It BURNsssss!!!! Pricelessssssss

Tuesday, October 18, 2005

Shut Up, Bitch!

As most of you surely know, I live in Chelsea, the epicenter of the faggotropolis we call "the City" and the rest of you call "New York". I recently moved from the 'outskirts' of the neighborhood to the middle of the gayborhood.

It's a cool autumn night and I'd just gotten home from a wonderful dinner at one of the city's equally as wonderful (yet utterly expensive) restaurants. I was looking forward to reading one of the many books I'm on "Chapter 3" of and then curling up into bed.

Why, then, do I hear the shrieks and wails of some girl? A girl who's clearly getting fucked and who wants everyone to know about it. Now, I've said it before and I'll say it again -- they don't give out Oscars for sex performances, so stop fuckin' over-acting!! And what girl is getting fucked in Chelsea, anyway?? The last thing I need to hear is some chick moaning and groaning making all sorts of silly noises. Shut the fuck up or don't get fucked at all.

The next time I hear this bitch, I'm gonna track her down and yank whatever guy's dick -- or dyke's finger -- out of her snatch, crack the bitch upside the head, stab a rusty nail into her forehead (thus simultaneously giving her lock-jaw and a lobotomy), slam the door shut on my way out, and treat myself to a nice cup of hot cocoa.

Cuz ain't NO room for screamin' bitches in my gayborhood. The only people here who should be screaming like girls, are boys.

Saturday, October 15, 2005

Pop Rocks My Cock

So an episode of That 70's Show piqued my interest. They were eating Pop Rocks, cuz it was the 70's. How fun it would be to have Pop Rocks in your mouth while you're blowing someone? Hmmm???

Now, where do I buy Pop Rocks? :) And who's gonna step "up" for the test run??

Tuesday, October 11, 2005

Do You Really Want to Hurt Me?

Oh sigh. I find it so heart-wrenching when the magician's tricks are revealed and all you're left with is a curtain and a trap door. It's such a disappointment.

Similarly, I can't stomach it when I see mugshots of celebrities; make-up removed looking all unkempt. You see them as they really are -- no more smoke and mirrors. "Pay no attention to that man behind the curtain!" It's all a fraud.

My latest gastro intestinal pain came from Boy George's arrest for possession of cocaine. I don't even recognize him in the picture! He is indeed a Karma Chameleon, because without all the make-up and glitter, he just looks like an ordinary (or even sub-ordinary) person. It's so sad :(

Image courtesy of PerezHilton.com

He's quite sad looking, which just makes me feel sad for him all the more. I don't understand why there's this sudden crackdown (no pun intended) on cocaine, since I feel like everyone (except me, ironically) uses it as if it were as common as coffee creamer. But I guess George O'Dowd was an unfortunate victim of the recent trend.

Sadly, he's no long a 'man without conviction'

Easter Funday

Saturday, October 08, 2005

What Would Jesus Do?

I've said it before and I'll say it again; Crazy is as George W. Bush does.

A BBC press release reveals that Bush claims that God told him to invade Afghanistan and Iraq. Does anything this man says make sense?

I'm driven with a mission from God. God would tell me, "George, go and fight those terrorists in Afghanistan." And I did, and then God would tell me, "George, go and end the tyranny in Iraq …" And I did. And now, again, I feel God's words coming to me, "Go get the Palestinians their state and get the Israelis their security, and get peace in the Middle East." And by God I'm gonna do it.

I'm sorry, but wasn't it proven at some point in time that only crazies hear voices from God? Can someone please throw this man in an asylum? Seriously, Clinton almost got impeached for getting his dick sucked in the Oval Office; this man launches two wars based not on sound intelligence, but rather from a voice in his head that he thinks is God? And he's still in office? And he was RE-elected??

Kids, Democracy's broken. Run for cover. Apparently it's turned DemoCRAZY.

How and why do people let this man get away with such insanity? The supposed "leader of the free world" shouldn't govern with any religious affiliations, particularly if he is governing from a nation that absolutely does not (or rather, should not) have any religious affiliation. This is not a nation of Christians, so the "God" that is speaking to him is not the same "God" that is speaking to others in his constituency. As President of the United States of America, the only "God" that Bush should be listening to is the collective voice of the American people. Yet somehow, that's the only voice he isn't listening to.

I may be a bit prejudiced, but I've always found that weak men (or women) turn blindly to religion and follow its every word to the letter. Only after traumatic incidences do people seek God and give themselves over to him (or her.. or it). Making the inference that Bush is a weak man is nothing shocking, I'm sure. But, he was somehow elected by a populous of seemingly weak-minded people. Why else would people tolerate such incompetence without seeking action against it?

Unfortunately, what I think we are ultimately going to witness is the downfall of America's dominance over the globe, due in no small part, to one egregious dumb-ass, Mr. George W. Bush.

Store Wars

Lord Valek found a hilarious spoof of Star Wars, called Store Wars. The Organics fight against the Dark Side of the Farm. It's so cheesy, it's awesome! It's a pretty long video, but it's worth checking out just because it's so cute!

Starring: Princess Lettuce, Chewbroccoli, C3 Peanuts, Obi Wan Canoli, Yogurt, and Darth Tater.

Check out the "official" website at StoreWars.org
Love it!!!

Friday, October 07, 2005

Say What? Say Where??

I just received an invitation from Logo (the gay network) to attend a preview screening of their new show, Noah's Arc. The show is about the lives of four gay black men in Los Angeles, so like a gay Destiny's Child version of Sex and the City, no doubt. It seems somewhat interesting -- I definitely plan on checking it out, especially since it's one of the few new programs to come from the hit-or-miss channel.

Speaking of misses, though. Upon closer inspection, the party is at the Schomburg Center for Research in Black Culture, which is located at 515 Malcolm X Boulevard!! Where the fuck is that???

Now if I've learned anything from Chris Rock, it's that I NEVER want to be on a street named after a former black civil rights leader -- because they're ALWAYS violence goin' down there.

And I'm sure this street is no different!

515 Malcolm X Boulevard is somewhere in the Harlemhood of about 145th street. You MUST be out of your mind!! How they're going to get any faggots to travel north of 23rd street -- let alone to Harlem -- is beyond me.

The invitation is priceless, though. "Join members of the cast as you celebrate in style." OK, but anywhere in Harlem just doesn't scream "Style" to me. And moreover, anywhere at a "Center" definitely doesn't scream "Style". Have the people at Logo lost their mind?? It would be "Stylish" if they provided bulletproof limos that take you from Chelsea up to Harlem, dropping you off right in front of the "Center" so you barely have to set food in the Harlemhood. I mean really, Gen Art provided us with stretch limos to an event in New Jersey and they're not part of a multi-billion dollar company!

The cutest, and saddest, thing about the invite is that you can submit your response. Your choices are "Hell Yeah" or "No". I decided to just leave it black, as they didn't have my preferred, graceful response: "Hell to the No!!!"

Thursday, October 06, 2005

Open-Bar; Closed Bar

So this is based on nothing factual at all, just all rumors and such, but apparently it's illegal to have open bar in New York. I remember reading an email from John Blair & Co. about it a while ago, but I just thought he was being an asshole and wanted to charge people a measley dollar for a drink. But maybe he was right.

Opaline lost its liquer license this past weekend (just for that weekend) and apparently it was due (in part or in full?) to the fact that it had Open Bar. Ain't that some shit?

But Open Bar is my best friend! I refuse to go anywhere that won't have her. And I can't believe the asinine laws in New York would allow her to be barred from the... bar. Governments should be toppled for such an act.

I love how the government has nothing better to do than to crack down on Open Bars in the city. Shouldn't they be worried about protecting us from murderers, terrorists, and our own President? Oh, and wasn't there a little warning about a subway bombing today? Yeah, maybe they should get up on dealing with that and let us get up on not paying for drinks at the bar.

All I'm saying is, if it were Open Donut at the Krispy Kreme, would they crack down on that? No, they'd chomp down. I'm just saying...

[Oct 8, 2005 Editor's Note: After talking to Formika, apparently Opaline didn't lose it's liquor license for having open bar, but rather for some other bullshit from the past that had nothing to do with Opaline. So I guess this makes most of this posting irrelvant. But still, I enjoy Open Bar, so I'll take any opportunity bitch and moan to ensure she's still around!]

Monday, October 03, 2005

Don't Judge Me!

Has Hell frozen over? I'm completely Twilight-Zonin' because it seems to me like Bush just pulls the most asinine shit and somehow gets away with it.

His latest inept move was to nominate Harriet Miers to the Supreme Court. Now, it's all well and good to replace a woman's seat on the court with another woman. That's great. But once again, it's the same routine of Bush filling empty -- and very important -- positions with under-qualified people who he knows. Honestly, I think knowing Bush should be a strike AGAINST someone, not FOR them. The man clearly knows absolute morons!

Back to Harriet. The best thing about her is that she's never even been a judge!!! What kind of shit is that?! How do you go from not being a judge to being one of THE top judges? Umm, by snuggling up to good ol' boy, George. Way to set an example for the rest of the country. It's not what you know, it's who you know.

I don't even think this Harriet chick is even all that stellar of a candidate. She got her undergrad AND JD from Southern Methodist University. What the hell kind of school is that? I'm sorry, but she went to a crappy school AND hasn't been a judge before? Something's not right.

And I'll tell you what else isn't right. This bitch looks like Rachel Dratch from Saturday Night Live!!

Oh yeah, just add a couple of decades and we've got a match!

So in summary, the following are superficial yet valid reasons why I could not respect Harriet Miers as a Supreme Court Justice:

  • She went to some rinky dink school in the South

  • She's under-qualified and is only being offered the job because she knows the President

  • She's never been a judge before

  • She looks like fucking Rachel Dratch -- "Zazoo" on Saturday Night Live!!!

  • I'm scared for the future, but at least Bush didn't nominate two other close friends of his who have been with him since childhood at the start of each day: Cap'N Crunch and Count Chocula.

    In Case You Care

    As if nobody already saw this coming, publicity whore Paris Hilton has decided to call off her engagement to Paris Latsis. I think I'm even less shocked when they announced that Rosie O'Donnell was a lesbian.

    I guess Paris saw how wrecked Britney looked when she had her shotgun wedding and subsequently got fat -- I mean -- pregnant, and decided that that life just wasn't for her. She's too caught up in the Simple Life to be bothered with married life.

    Or, the publicity pipeline just ran dry and "Paris and Paris" wasn't generating enough press as of late, so she had to cut the boy loose.

    Anyone care to speculate on what Paris' next publicity stunt will be?? I think she'll release a 3-way tape with Nicky, or Nicole Richie, or Kimberly Stewart -- as if anyone would sleep with Kimberly Stewart!!! My bad.

    Well Endowed

    File this under "W" for "What the Fuck?!" Harvard University's endowment jumped 19.2% to $25.9 billion. Apparently that's approximately $10 billion more than Yale, which has the second largest endowment. Harvard has money manager Jack Meyer to thank for it's, well, fortunes.

    Looks like -- as usual -- everything's going pretty ok for Harvard and its big-ol' endowment. The University is hung where it counts -- in the wallet!

    Saturday, October 01, 2005

    ScammIN Calling Program

    Companies always amaze me with how stupid they think consumers are. Why is Verizon Wireless suddenly advertising their new "iN Network Calling" program that basically gives you free calls to anyone in the network. Umm, unless I just had a stroke, isn't this the same thing as mobile-to-mobile minutes? And weren't those, for all intents and purposes, free? I mean, they give you 1500 mobile-to-mobile minutes -- that's pretty much free time.

    Leave it to a stupid corporation to re-name and market something they already have and ppass it off as something new. In lieu of innovating and adding real value to their customers, Verizon has decided to just re-package the same old bullshit and pretend that they're giving consumers something new and for free.

    Verizon's coverage, at least in New York, has been really shitty lately. It used to be the best coverage in the city, but now it's ass. Of course, when you ask them about why you have at least 4 dropped calls daily, they just shrug and say that nothing's wrong with the network. Maybe if I keep bitching and moaning enough, something will happen.

    "Can you hear me now?"