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Tuesday, November 29, 2005

The Devil's Advocate

Charlize Theron apparently recently commented that she'll get married when gays and lesbians can. Yay for her, I guess. Not that I'm remotely close to getting married -- please -- but the more support we have for the cause, the better. So good on her!

Saturday, November 26, 2005

Urine Gone

I nearly shat my shorts -- or, more approriately, pissed my pants -- when I saw a commercial on TV for this stupid product called "Urine Gone." I kept watching thinking it was some Saturday Night Live or Mad TV sketch, but it wasn't.

Urine Gone is apparently a product that eliminates the stains and odor of piss -- specifically, of cat piss. Is there really a need for such an "invention?"

The commercial is heinous. The voiceover goes on and on about how Urine Gone gets rid of stains AND odor. "Other sprays just cover up the odor, but Urine Gone seeks out the urine and gets rid of the stain". Ok, that's just gross. The only other thing I know that "seeks out urine" are nasty-ass S&M leather daddies at The Eagle. Gag.

But wait... there's more!

Then they launch into this whole thing about shining a "scientific" blacklight over the piss stain so you can "really see Urine Gone" working. Dood!

Ahh, but it's not just for cat piss alone. Urine Gone can be used on piss stains anywhere! On the carpet, on grandma's panties, or even in little Billy's bed! But people piss apparently don't stank like pussy piss.
No matter how well I cleaned, my house still smelled like one big litterbox. But with Urine Gone, I just spray and the odor goes away... and stays away" - Traci, a cat owner

Ok, I'm sorry -- Traci, is it? -- but if your whole house smells like cat piss, then you don't need Urine Gone, you need a dog to eat that pissing cat! Or at the very least, turn that Urine Gone away from the urine and toward that pissing pussy! Nobody can like cats THAT much that they can handle the ever-present smell of piss that is inevitably left behind when cats are running around your domicile.

Part of me wants to say to everyone who has a cat, "Go out and buy Urine Gone!" because I've been in TOO many New York apartments of people with cats that just REEKED of piss and shit. But then again, the better part of me just wants to say to them "Just fucking throw the cat out along with the litter! Buy a stuffed animal instead. Nobody likes smelly pussy. Nobody!"

Friday, November 25, 2005

You Go Gurl!

Elton John will be marrying his long-term partner, David Furnish, on December 21st. That's the day that civil partnerships between gay couples will be legal in the UK.

Gold star for Elton John for making the commitment and shedding some spotlight on the broadening equalities in Europe.

More importantly, who's going to make Elton's dress?? Hmm???

Wednesday, November 23, 2005

Queer Bait

As we approach Thanksgiving, I thought I'd dish out some advice on attracting a man with food. However, since gay anorexia is surely on the rise, it can be difficult to use this tactic.

We all know the way to a man's heart is through his stomach, usually by way of his prostate. But in this case we'll examine (no pun intended... the rest is already fraught with puns) getting to a man's stomach through the use of food. Now this normally isn't a challenge, but when you're trying to attract manorexic boys, who usually don't eat, you gotta have a strategy.

I usually start by tossing them a salad. Gay boys like tossed salads because it gives the illusion of a satisfying meal, but you can't catch any calories. To start a meal, a tossed salad always gets the boys coming. After the salad, and once you've got them dripping (from the mouth), you gotta offer a main course. Since I'm cheap, I usually just serve up a foot-long. Boys seem to find that a generally satisfying meal. Tossed salad and a foot-long between two buns.

Milkshakes are always a good dessert to end with. Since they're not really used to eating, it may make their jaw hurt to suck out all the milkshake, but once they do, they realize it's a tasty ending to a satisfying meal.

And there you have it: a simple strategy for hookin' in your own manorexic Thanksgiving boy toy. Happy turkey stuffing!

Five Hundred Twenty-Five Thousand Six Hundred Reasons To Love Rent

I just got back from a pre-screen of Rent and I thought it was absolutely amazing! So I highly recommend that everyone who liked the musical go out and see the movie. I think all the actors actually sang their parts, which I think is amazing considering there were (as far as I know) some non-broadway cast members in the movie.

Rosario Dawson was amazing and completely hot in the movie. Yumm. I wish I had a chance to meet her when she was in town.

Oddly enough, Anthony Rapp actually recognized me when I went up to say hello. That's just an astounding thing to me given the fact that I've met him only once before for a total of five seconds -- the time it takes to be introduced by someone and shake a hand -- at a party at least three months ago. So wow.

At any rate, I thought the movie was a great "big screen" version of the musical. I haven't seen Chicago the movie, so I can't really compare those two versions, but I definitely think the Rent movie was somewhat different and more vivid in certain ways. Definitely check it out.

Saturday, November 19, 2005

Bad News Wares

It's a scary thing when you open CNN's website only to read two separate articles about murdering teens in different parts of the world.

Teen accused of 17 slayings escapes, again

Police: Teen murder suspect planned raid

What the hell?!

Then of course there's the ridculous article about how Match.com and other online dating sites are being charged with having their employees send fake emails to members, expressing romantic interest.

Online dating gets slapped... with suits

Hmm.. and I thought it was from all that cardio I've been doing at the gym. God damnit!!

Monday, November 14, 2005

Git'yo Read On

Because I'm a multi-faceted individual, I'm creating my own "Oprah's Reading List" except I'm not Oprah. She's skinnier than I am. But I'm blacker than she is, so it kinda evens itself out. Aiight?

So here goes, Mofo's. My list of recommended reading:
So start from the top and work your way down. Edumacate and enlighten yourself!

Saturday, November 12, 2005

Cockpare and Contrast

I've finally decided to post all the pictures I've found, or that were sent to me, of guys comparing their dicks to inanimate objects. Why? Because it's fucking hilarious. Plus it's always amusing to see what people compare them to. You never know WHAT you'll see! So here goes:

Ahh the "unlimited ride" metrocard.

Edge shaving gel

A can of spray paint?? Or Aquanet.

Performance-enhancing Gatorade

Because nobody else would think of putting their dick near a can of butane

Drink up! It's the "Real" thing.

The oh-so-common "cock and dollar" pic. Priceless.

If anyone else has similar pictures or is insane enough to take some of their own, send them my way and I'll add them to the wonderful collection. Fiddy-dollas goes to the first one to submit a picture of an Action Figure hugging their dick. That'd be fucking awesome! GI Joe goes homo :)

Friday, November 11, 2005

Blog Bucks

Oh balls! After checking out Lord Valek's site, I saw he posted this thing that assesses the value of your blog. Much to my dismay, mine's apparently only worth around $3,000. I guess that's fine with me because I put so little effort into it, that I can't expect too much. More importantly, I enjoy the peace of mind that comes with having NO clue what criteria and metrics were used to arrive at a numerical value for my site. Ahh, ignorance is bliss!

My blog is worth $3,387.24.
How much is your blog worth?

Wednesday, November 09, 2005

Kansas Secures its Position as a Backwater State

The never-ending struggle to spread ignorance and perpetuate the bastardization of science across America continues. A Kansas School Board approves the teaching of other "theories" that doubt the Darwinian Theory of Evolution. The new standards say high school students must understand major evolutionary concepts. I don't know what constitutes a "major" evolutionary concept. I can only assume that this implies "Creationism". But for all this religious bullshit, I wonder what people think of reincarnation. Surely that's a viable option for evolution -- people are simply reincarnated into a more advanced being. Oh but wait, that's not a Christian point of view, so it's not valid.

Is anyone else concerned that the "Christ-ification" of America is driving us back in time and down the evolutionary scale? Is the world still round, or have we decided that it's back to being flat again?

In Texas, Everything's A-O-KKK

The ban on Gay Marriage in Texas, backed by the Ku Klux Klan, passed yesterday. As if things weren't completely ass-backwards in that state, just add "proponent of the KKK" to the list.

I just assumed it was common knowledge that if the KKK supports anything, you should do the complete opposite -- or at least seriously consider your point of view on the topic. That rule of thumb seems to have gone out the window down in the Lonestar State. But ironically, I don't blame the KKK -- they're already fucked up; that's a given. Who I do blame are the Texans who actually voted in support of the ban.

It's a sad day in Hell Texas when, after the death of Rosa Parks, the civil rights movement takes yet another step back in time.

Sunday, November 06, 2005

Avian Avoidance

I keep reading and hearing all this crap from the media about concerns that New York is ill prepared (no pun intended) for Avian Flu, which apparently is coming this way. Of course, I feel like it's all hype. Though, I'm still scared of that random maple syrup smell that floated around manhattan.

But I really haven't been keeping up with the whole "Avian Flu" drama. I honestly have better things to do than fear something that I apparently can't stop. More importantly, I was scared by a flock of pigeons (or a murder of crows) that went psycho and swooped around the intersection I was standing at. It was crazy. I had just taken a shower and was heading to the gym... and all I could think was "One of these birds is totally gonna take a shit on me!"

So I ax y'all, if I've got any time to be worried about something, what should it be?

What should I be more concerned about?
Bird Flu
Bird Poo

Free polls from Pollhost.com

Homo Say What?

Tonight my friends and I were walking down the street (ok, 8th Ave) not too far from my apt when we passed this group of about 6 guys who looked like they should have been in that movie, Varsity Blues because they were just white-bred meatheads.

It was really a non-event passing them on the street, until a couple of them make obnoxious noises and others said something to the effect of "Damn, look, what is this, gay central?" in a disdainful tone. To which I promptly shouted back, "It IS Gay Central, you stupid motherfucker! You're in Chelsea, ya fuckin' jackass!"

Can you believe that?? It's almost ironic that a pack of guys walking down the Gay Mile would feel the need to assail random strangers with homophobic remarks. Does such ignorance even exists anymore in New York? Clearly it does. I couldn't believe it.

It's not the first time it's happened to me, nor is it the first time it's happend to me in New York, but every time it does happen, I'm blown away in shock and amazement. In a city that's arguably predominantly gay, how is it that there are people living here (or most likely in Long Island or Jersey) who blurt out homophobic comments without even being provoked.

It's almost sad that it happens here, because it just means that there's still a long way to go before ignorance and bigotry and exterminated. In the meantime, I find it amusing -- and necessary -- to immediately respond in some way, just so these people know that such behavior won't be tolerated.

Naturally, when I turned around to shout back at the 6 men, I got no response. Pussies.

Friday, November 04, 2005

Top Hits

Every now and then (ok, every second of the day) I check the little StatCounter at the end of the page to see how many hits I get and where everyone came from. Ironically, I get a lot of hits for people doing searches for Heath Ledger. That's probably because I yanked that naked picture of him from Brokeback (or is it Bareback) Mountain. And then of course there are links from the various other blogs that link to mine, natch.

But today I saw that someone did a Google search with the keywords "gay bottom "asians are bottoms"". And my site and only one other one came up as the results. That's fucking PRICELESS! Who would look up such things?

So if you were the one who did the search, post a comment or email me and let me know what's up with that! And really, is it that hard to find information on gay asian bottoms?? I wouldnt' think so...

Thursday, November 03, 2005


Oh for shame for shame. I trotted on over to that kid, Arasto's site only to find that it's no longer about hating on Perez Hilton or that fag Trent from Pink Is the New Blog. It's been re-named some bullshit name like "célébrité terroriste. celebrity terrorist" and is yet ANOTHER star-fucker site that just coughs up pictures of celebrities at parties that this motherfucker isn't even invited to! That's WEAK!!!!

Ok, at least Perez gets invited to the parties now instead of just crashing them. Sheesh!

I had such high hopes for the site and the superfluous Haterade that could have spewed from it, but alas, it appears that the potential has gone the way of the Dodo. So sad; too bad.

The only good thing on that site now is a hot picture of Amanda Lepore:

Ironically, now that Amanda and I are neighbors, I never see her anymore. Oh wait, maybe that's because I'm a loser who stays home instead of going out to fun parties. *Sigh* that will all change soon, I hope. I just need to not be so goddamn lazy!

Wednesday, November 02, 2005

Low Prices, Young Employees, No Fatties

That's what Wal-Mart wants. An internal memo was leaked out of the company suggesting that Wal-Mart was going to make it harder for the old an unfit to become employed at world's largest retailer's stores. It's all part of an effort to stymie rising healthcare costs. Damn, they're trying to cut costs everywhere!

Honestly, if I were Wal-Mart, I'd do the same thing. I'd only want cute boys working at my company. Definitely not oldies and definitely not fatties!

Yes Doubt

Last night I went to the Gwen Stefani concert with the Black Eyed Peas as the opening act.

Ok, let me start by saying that someone got the order mixed up. It should have been Gwen opening for the Black Eyed Peas! I'm sorry, but her part of the show was just lacking in energy and entertainment value. It was absolutely abysmal.

She may have been great as part of No Doubt, but I think she still has a ways to go before she can command a stage all by herself. The dancing wasn't cutting it; the stage design was only mediocre; and she was just kind of there... singing. Maybe she's just not good at large venues like Madison Square Garden, but my overall impression was that it was mostly a snore. Literally... I almost fell asleep.

And don't even get me started on this Harajuku bullshit obsession she's got going on. I don't even know WHERE that came from. "Harajuku Lovers" -- what the fuck is that? The bitch probably ate at a sushi restaurant for the first time and from that she came up with the whole concept of her album and tour. She musta been listening to some Black Eyed Peas because she most definitely got retarded.

Last thing anyone needs is some cracka-ass plat-blond chick obsessing over some Asians. Can a bitch get some hot cracka-ass blond GUYS obsession over some Asians? Then that'd be something to note.

But, the Black Eyed Peas were fucking amazing! They really know how to perform and entertain. I think it's because each of them has a distinct personality that is exuded when they're on stage. Fergie's just hot -- I never really thought she was until last night. And the other people (ok, i'm not a groupie or anything so I have NO idea what their names are) were really fun, too.

The climax of the night (literally, for me) was when they were singing Where Is the Love, which originally featured Justin Timberlake, and the motherfucker came out on stage and sang it! It totally made sense, since his ass was in town already. After that song he stayed for the rest of their set, just dancin' and singin' and shakin' his ass. Mmm. Needless to say, Black Eyed Peas completely upstaged Gwen Stefani. I guess Gwen should have toted her hubby out on stage so we could have had something to look at!

Pimp Daddy (and Mommy)

Craigslist never ceases to amaze me. Someone sent me a link to this posting where the parents of this gay boy are trying to gently accelerate his sexual de-flowering by pimping him out to an anonymous sex partner from the internet. Is this what passes for "good parenting" these days?

Clearly the scariest statement describing their son is "... and, from what I remember a rather huge penis". Ok, is this based on a picture of this boy as an infant or is this based on like "yesterday when we were jerking off together..." That's just utterly disturbing. It conjures up images of that scary comic book about the father and son who fuck each other.

So read on...

My Wife and I Are Looking for a Sex Partner for Our Gay Son - 22

Reply to: anon-107639096@craigslist.org
Date: 2005-10-30, 10:01AM EST

My wife Cherry and myself are the proud parents of a young man who recently told us he is homosexual. Our son Conrad is 22, very handsome, but a virgin. We are very accepting of his homosexuality. Actually, we pretty much guessed he was gay - once when he was 16 he was convinced Nathan Lane and Chita Rivera were his biological parents. And for Halloween, he once insisted on going as Tammy Grimes.

Anyway, we feel it is time he experiences fleshly pleasures. We are seeking a nice gay man to gently show Conrad the way. He is 6' tall, thin, some chest hair, and, from what I remember a rather huge penis (takes after his old man).

We own a duplex on Sutton Place and can have you over. We will watch telly while the two of you get it on. We can offer you wine, beer, cheese toasties and herring. My wife is a recovering mustard collector who is lactose tolerant.

E-mail pic and stats. Thanks.

* this is in or around Sutton Place

Gold star and my 'respeck' for anyone who actually replies to the ad. I would, but I dont' care much for herring... and I'm oddly scared of the sausage.