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gothamwhore

Saturday, December 31, 2005

He He He He He!!

Oh, laughing makes me do funny things. Well, not as funny as the Pillsbury Doughboy. Shit...

Friday, December 30, 2005

Lavalife Ad

My life is fraught with irony. I was stressed out and upset yesterday, then stumbled upon an Equinox class called "Relax and Get Over It". How perfect!

Then today, I was sitting on the subway and saw a lavalife print ad that felt like it was made just for me. Well, for me to give to my friend!

I couldn't find the whole ad, but check out the text part of it:


Funny how things just pop up when you least expect them and speak to you. It's kind of amusing. Well, it'd be more amusing if not for the fact that someone who used to be my friend is dating someone I dated.

AdDICKtive Website

My new favorite website, and way to kill serious amounts of time, is www.ratearod.com -- hands-down (well, for the first 5 minutes) a quality site!

It's kind of like Hot Or Not, but instead of rating faces, you rate dicks! That's definitely Hot. This is sure to suck away countless hours of my time as I just click through copious cock shots.

The people on this site are BRUTAL, though. The highest-rated dick is only an 8-something out of 10. I think people just get penis-envy after some point, because there must be a TON of haters out there!

For example, to date, this is the "hottest" dick on the site: Punishher with a rating of 8.68. That's probably less than one point per inch! Come on!!

This guy, Brooklynlad~2, was rated a 6-something. That's MADNESS.

Names like Donkeeboy are priceless. And the comments people leave are a trip, too. Especially my comments :)

Hung79 is hilarious (more pics at 1979J). I just think it's funny when you submit your picture just to seriously find out what people think of your dick. Dude, you don't need to post it on the internet, just give me a call! I'll tell you what it should be rated.

In any case, I encourage you to submit your pictures to the website. Actually, it's probably easier if you send them to me and I'll submit them for you.

Wednesday, December 28, 2005

Work It Out, Boys

And now, for your viewing amusement -- a video of guys working out! Who are these boys?? Where do they live?? And can I bake them a basket of sugar cookies??

It seems like a porn. But it's a home video of sorts. And it was posted on YouTube. Shit, I'd like to see some of HisTube up in this video!

Tuesday, December 27, 2005

Victimless Crymes

The recent news about the 13-year old boy who created child porn through his webcam has been all over the place. The lengthy article by the New York Times presents a somewhat biased story, which I found to be bland and typical.

The story is about a boy named Justin Berry who, at the age of 13, began doing webcam shows for adult men on the internet, for money. It paints the tale of how he was "lured" into the "business" by men praying on young boys. Fine, I'll concede that old(er) men are aggressive in finding young boys, but it takes two people come to the end scenario -- a webcam strip show. The first one apparently started by someone paying Justin $50 to take off his shirt for 3 minutes on camera.

I'm disappointed with the New York Times' story, however. Essentially, it's another story about how children and teens are the victims of men, without any inkling of a notion that the children are in some way responsible as well. The language of the whole article suggests a clear distinction between the child 'victim' and the other men 'predators', which I think is a simplistic view of the situation. It implies that these 'predators' got together to 'strategize' on ways to coerce boys into revealing more of their bodies. I'm sorry, but these men are indeed sexual and social deviants, then they don't talk to each other. That's almost the definition of being a social deviant. I mean, for example, serial killers don't have monthly meetings where they sit around and discuss the best way to lure people to their death, they just go out there and do it!

Granted, they are "children" but we were all 13 at some point and when I was 13, I knew damn well what I was doing and the consequences of my actions. These kids are just out to make a buck by ho'ing themselves over the internet!

This boy has made THOUSANDS of dollars exploiting his body on the internet for people to see. Anyone who is capable of setting up a webcam and navigating the internet surely has the intellectual capacity to understand his actions. He knew exactly what he was doing and that it was wrong, since he claims that he hid his webcam during the day so his mother wouldn't find it. Moreover, his father apparently helped him after some point.

"I didn't want these people to hurt any more kids," Justin said recently of his decision to become a federal witness. "I didn't want anyone else to live the life I lived."

It's hard to take sympathy on a boy who made thousands of dollars willingly selling his body over the internet. Despite the fact that he's a minor, he still had a 'fair' to 'good' idea of what he was doing. His parents knew at some point and didn't try to stop him. So yeah, get over it. And I'm sure after all this is over, he gets to keep the money and everything he's bought with his so-called 'victim' sex-show antics. Lies.

Show Me The Meaning

Whenever you're feeling down, like a dork, or that you're a loser, just think -- you could be these guys:

Monday, December 26, 2005

Something Wicked This Way Cums

There are some sick motherfuckers out there in the world. Say it ain't so, Jethro!! But alas, these sick perverts could be lurking by a farm near you.

The latest sorted affair came from a 64-year old Wisconsin man, Harold G. Hart. He pleaded no contest to charges that he had regularly been using calves for sexual gratification. See how evil Viagra is? Little, blue... menacing!

Apparently the man would get drunk and/or go to strip clubs, then swing on by the farm for some good ol bovine lovin'. Hart told police that he's been to the farm 50 times in the past year, sometimes going two to four times per week. That's out of control!

As sick as it is, my mind tends to wander. See if you can keep up.
  • This guy must really be ugly if he has to fuck baby cows instead of fat women
  • He must have a really big dick in order to fuck that baby cow. I mean, cows are pretty big, so if he can feel anything, he must have a pretty big dick. Interesting.
  • Since he's fucking baby cows, does that make him a pedophile, too?
  • Would it be crazy if he had a veal chop that actually turned out to be a cow that he'd fucked the night before? Ooo, that must not be very tasty veal!
The thought of an old man and a calf makes me want to throw up in a bucket. Instead of the probation and psychological counselling, I think Hart should get fucked by a bull. That'll teach him. What's good for the goose is good for the gander!

Sunday, December 25, 2005

Merry Giftmas!!

Warm wishes to you and yours on the commercialized celebration of someone's Lord and savior, Jesus Christ. As I have forsaken Christ for another lover (the power of Christ compelled me), I celebrate Giftmas instead -- the tried and true holiday of receiving free shit.

Ironically, in this season of goodwill toward all, I'm experiencing a bout that could lead me to be naughty as opposed to nice. They'll carve out a special VIP section of Hell for me, complete with flame-retardant velvet ropes.

I hope everyone gets what they want for the holidays and is looking forward to a new year, with plenty of resolutions. I've already started my list!

Saturday, December 24, 2005

Comic Strippin'

I came across this funny little comic about Brokeback Mountain on another blog



Here's a link to the original posting

Amtrak Slack

The quality of Amtrak's service has gone way down over the past 6 months. The trains are over-crowded and amenities are constantly being cut. About the only thing Amtrak is good for is leaving on time.

Over Thanksgiving, I took Amtrak back to New York on a 'holiday express'. Unbeknownst to me, a 'holiday express' is essentially an Amtrak-priced New Jersey Transit train! Now, if you've ever ridden the NJ Transit system, you'll know that it sucks. It's a train build for short trips, one hour, max. The seats are uncomfortable and lumpy, there isn't a food cart, it's noisy, and there's no room for baggage. How I paid $120 to ride that piece of shit is beyond me.

Once I stop being a lazy bitch, I'll write a complaint letter to them expressing my dissatisfaction with their service.

Not to be one to disappoint, Amtrak once again failed me on my trip home today for Christmas. Apparently they booked a full train, yet somehow ended up with a train that was missing a car! So basically you have 6/7ths of a train, but 7/7ths worth of passengers. Add on to that the fact that the train was about 3 cars of business class and 2 of coach. Nobody buys business class! Come on! Oh, and the food car wasn't open. What??

Thanks to this incompetence, I ended up in one of the only coach cars, which happened to be the 'Quiet Car' (ie, no noise, conversations, cell phone usage, etc.), and with a mother and her bastard child in a stroller affixed in my aisle.

The oblivious mother and the fact that I hate kids of all ages is another story. Let's just say the bitch got something on my shoe and I almost gave her an up-close view of my shoe in her face.

Back to Amtrak. The company and/or mode of transportation is completely mismanaged. Their prices are out of control for what little value you get now. Someone should throw a couple rocks on the tracks to derail a couple of those trains. Then maybe all the lawsuits will bankrupt the company and new management can take over. That'd be nice.

Friday, December 23, 2005

Dead Man Walking

No this post isn't about someone I'm going to exact revenge on! Though, it could be. So many targets, so little time. But I digress.

I was out tonight and saw a boy who I hadn't seen in a while. He used to be a go go boy and had a build about the size of Justin Timberlake (from the Rolling Stone shoot -- medium build). When I saw him tonight, I thought I saw a ghost. He looked like a skeleton, on the verge of death. Honestly, he looked like an AIDS patient, it was THAT scary. My face must have been white when he walked by. His eyes were a bit droopy, cheek bones were accentuated by the fact that the rest of his face was sunken in, and his lips were plump as if he had a collagen injection. It was frightful.

It was seriously enough for me to re-evaluate what the fuck I was doing at that damn club. I thought, if this is what people look like after they've been clubbing night after night, then I want not part of it! I think his sveltness is the result of excessive drug use. But it was scary enough to stop me dead in my tracks.

Tuesday, December 20, 2005

Oh NO He Di'nt!

Now I know I didn't just see some faggot asking complete strangers in a gay chatroom to buy him a plane ticket from Las Vegas to New York so he can go to an "audition".

FIRST of all, bitches on there won't even give you a blow job, let alone buy you a plane ticket!

SECONDLY, don't even front like it's a legit "audition". You know it's for a porno or something! It's an "audition" alright... a Michael Lucas "Audition!"

I'm sorry, but I've seriously lost all hope in the gay boy's ability to do anything on his own without the help of a "sugar daddy". You can even refer back to my previous post on Faggotry.

So the new example is this faggot BrooklineGrad. His name is Rance. According to my sources, he's allegedly up for the part of Roger in RENT, which is just lies.

He's not even cute. And he's 28. He should know better. Get a job! Make some money! Stop relying on others for help!

America Is Getting UnIntelligent

What's the new craze that's sweeping the Nation? Is it Yatzee? Is it personal hygiene?

No. It's Intelligent Design!! What's Intelligent Design, you ask? It's the fact-less concept that the universe is too complex to be explained, and therefore must be the result of a higher being's "design".

That's the laziest and dumbest string of logic I've ever heard. Instead of trying to figure out the problem, certain people just give up and say it's too complex to explain. Isn't that the same thought process that led to Greek Mythology? If you don't understand something, give it a name and call it a god.

Thankfully a judge in Pennsylvania barred Intelligent Design from being taught in the state's classes.

I don't understand why people (hardcore Christians, in particular) are pushing for non-scientific-based 'theories' to be taught in classes. Honestly, if we learned that a Muslim country were teaching their version of "how the universe was created" we'd probably laugh and chastize them for perpetuating ignorance. But alas, we're not as critical of ourselves.

God bless America! Home of the ignorant.

Friendster-ometer

Friendster is quickly becoming a dysfunctional relationship barometer. In particular, I'm talking about the "Relationship Status" indicator part of the profile.

I recently found out this boy I have a pseudo-interest in dating is now "seeing" someone at the moment. It's not really heart-crushing since he lives in a complete different state than I do: Sobriety. I jest. But nevertheless, it's a bit sad. I was looking forward to "hanging out" with him at home during Christmas. He recently changed his Friendster "Relationship Status" from "Single" to "It's Complicated". How apropos.

I think it would be the funniest thing (in a sick way) to break up with someone through Friendster. Not by messaging them, but through changing your status from "In a Relationship" to "Single". That would be the only communication. Eventually your not-as-significant other would catch on. I wish I could be there to see the expression on that person's face. Priceless, MasterCard. Priceless.

Drag Queens Out And Make 'em Laugh

I'll admit that I know almost nothing about drag queens (men who dress up as women for performance purposes). Not a thing. I don't know who's who or anything like that. I typically don't appreciate the shows because unless they're spitting fire and telling jokes, I just don't get it.

So given that, I was pretty much dragged to a drag queen performance on Sunday. It was Jackie Beat's holiday show, of which I knew nothing about.

Once I got there, the two queens ("queens" now used to refer to middle-aged effeminate men) sitting at the table with us informed me that she basically re-writes the lyrics of songs and sings them. How fun! More importantly, and cautionary, she goes into the audience and basically rips on people. How (scarily) fun! And me in my wonderfully frump-tastic hoodie and track pants (a la Rocky IV) outfit in a room full of judgmental queens ("queens" now used to refer to faggots in general) and one bitchy drag queen. Delightful.

Jackie Beat is fucking HILARIOUS!!!! Seriously. I can barely remember a single lyric of her songs, but I know I was busting a gut laughing the whole fucking time. Since it was a holiday show she sang Christmas songs, for the most part, including classics such as "Jingle Bell Cock" and "Do Some Blow" (aka, "Let It Snow"). Because I'm such a tard, half my mind was wondering how rehearsed her show was. Everything was really on point and choreographed perfectly. I don't know how "spontaneous" her jokes were or if they were rehearsed in advance. But regardless, the whole show was amazing. If I had anything to drink during the show I would have pee'd it onto the floor I was laughing so hard.

So if you ever get a chance to see her, do it! Buy the ticket and go. I have no idea how much the tickets were -- I didn't pay for them, you know how I do -- but whatever it is, it's well worth it.

Check out her website at www.JackieBeatRules.com.

Saturday, December 17, 2005

Alcohol Abuse

The New York Times, once again reporting on "all the news that's fit to print", just wrote an article about super-premium specialty cocktails.

We all balk at $13 martinis and $10 vodka tonics, but apparently there are drinks out there that cost upwards of $1,000. What the fuck are these drinks and what morons are buying them?

Well it appears that some 23yo dumb-ass, George Santiago, of Chicago recently purchased a $950 Reserve Ruby Red drink for a girl he was trying to impress. Did he get laid? I'm still betting: 'no.'

It seems that a lot of clubs and restaurants are coming up with these over-the-top drinks because -- well -- people are tired of plain ol' alcohol. As a society, we've graduated to a level of uber-alcoholism that some of us can't be bothered with getting shitfaced on plebian drinks made from well vodka, we've got to have a skyscraper-esque, Aston Martin-type, penisMobile specialty cocktail.

What are these cocktails and what the fuck makes them so great? Well, all are made for higher quality alcohols, natch. Some come with trinkets -- the Reservfe Ruby Red drink is served with a 'one-carat ruby affixed to the stirrer'. And others come in a glass you can keep -- a la frosty mugs at Disney World.

So far, none come with a festive umbrella.

Why do we even need these stratospherically expensive drinks? To impress chicks? Honestly, for $950, you could buy a high-class hooker and still have money left over to pay for herpes medication.

I may be wrong, considering I don't really drink that much, but I thought the overall goal was to not pay for drinks, not to pay a fuck of a lot more for just one drink. Shit, I know I won't be ordering a Reserve Ruby Red any time soon. But I'll wait for someone else to and then knock a bitch down so I can steal the ruby-topped stirrer. It'll look cute in my hair!

4am-Style

It's true -- the craziest fucking people come out at night. As I walked home last night, I cut through Penn Station to avoid the bitter fags -- I mean, cold.

Being in Penn Station at 4am is reason enough to pop an SSRI (eg, Prozac) because everyone there is just waiting around for the first 6am train to take them back to New Jersey or Long Island. Ick.

Apparently there's a 24-hour Starbucks there, to serve this customer base. I stopped by to get a hot apple cider and a biscotti -- I was hungry!

There was a crazy pseudo-homeless person (I'm not sure if it was homeless or just poor) standing in line to order coffee. I couldn't tell whether it was a man or a woman. It had a mustache, but looked like a woman. I'll just refer to the person as It: gender, To Be Determined.

So It was standing in line, but reading the Charlie Brown Christmas CD with the ferocity of a 3rd grader. It was the most bizzare thing, It would pick up the CD and lean back... then lean back some more... as if that would make it easier to read. Obviously, I don't even think It could read at all, so the whole thing was just a charade. I thought It was trying to steal the CD. Shady behavior, that. But yeah, It was reading everything, from the Charlie Brown CD to the "Caution: Wet Floor" triangle. Very strange.

Unfortunately, the whole transaction took longer than I'd wanted because I was able to witness this whole asylum-esque behavior take place. But it/It was amusing nonetheless.

I can't wait for my next late-night run in with a loony bin escapee. Bring it!

Wednesday, December 14, 2005

Revived Ford Focus

Some good news on the rainbow front. Ford announced it will be reinstating its advertising in gay publications for the company's Jaguar and Land Rover.

Hopefully this is a genuine effort and if so, will solidify Ford's brand as having a positive commitment to equality. So yay for Ford!

Get to Work, Bitches!!

There was yet another funeral today for an NYPD cop who was killed. Oddly, though, it seems like every cop in the city was at the funeral.

Ok, that's all well and good, but who's watching the shop? Without cops on the prowl, who will "protect" us from whatever there is out there? Ok, more realistic questions would be "Who's consuming the city's surplus of donuts?", "Who's giving out unnecessary parking tickets?", "Who's harassing people in the subway, suspecting they might be a terrorist?" Well, nobody, apparently. So kids, you missed your chance to loot and steal. Want that opportunity again? Shoot another cop. The lazy pigs will take any excuse to not do their job.

Speaking of not doing their job, the MTA union employees are threatening to strike. I'm sorry, but I feel like the only thing they teach union employees is that they can strike and threaten to do so at any opportunity. Why don't they teach these people better negotiation skills instead?

Now I don't want to stereotype, but I think by definition, anyone in a union has to be "modestly" paid and "unskilled" labor -- read: poor and uneducated. I guess that explains the low-brow "strike" tactics.

Honestly, I don't think the subway workers have much of a leg to stand on. I don't really understand what it is they do. Ok, well, I clearly understand what the maintenance and cleaning workers do -- they're exempt and deserve whatever they want, cuz that's a job ain't nobody wants! But the station workers (those bitches who SLEEP in the booth behind the glass) and the train conductors (those bitches who SLEEP in the drivers seat of the train) don't really deserve anything. As far as I'm concerned, they should be happy they're employed at all.

Now, it's not that the MTA is completely without blame. The MTA sucks. They need to get their shit together. But if anything, both parties should be putting a lot more effort into their jobs. If that were the case, then they wouldn't be in this situation.

So stop "talking" and just get the fuck back to work!! I've got shit to do and you've got sleep to catch up on, so go back to work!!

Saturday, December 10, 2005

Forbes Fictional 15

The people at Forbes have lost their minds, but in a cute way. Notorious for their lists of weathliest Americans, they have come up with a list for fictional characters called the Forbes Fictional 15. It builds on the original Fictional Fifteen list created in 2002. Unfortunately, I have no idea how they assessed the wealth of these characters, other than based on the source of their wealth.

The list includes fictional characters such as Annie's Daddy Warbucks, cartoon character Richie Rich (most definitely NOT to be confused with the Heatherette designer -- we're talking fictional AND wealthy here.), Disney's Scrooge McDuck, and the Simpsons' C. Montgomery Burns.

Topping the list is Santa Claus, who apparently has an infinite source of wealth, which is complemented by his low-wage, no healthcare organization. Those poor Elves!

Last on the list with $900 million is Lucius Malfoy, from Harry Potter. Since I know nothing about Harry Potter, I'll just leave that one be.

Hilariously, "fashionista" and evil-doer Cruella De Vil is on the list as having $1 billion in net assets, given the rise of fur-related fashions. She apparently went to F.I.T. and resides in London.

Who comes up with this shit?! Call me and be my new best friend!

Wednesday, December 07, 2005

Ford Sucks

As you've heard already, Ford's Jaguar and Land Rover divisions have decided to discontinue marketing specifically to the gay market. The company had a track record of advertising in gay publications such as The Advocate and Out Magazine.

Allegedly, Ford management changed their strategy due to pressure from the American Family Association -- the insanely conservative anti-gay organization that apparently does nothing but hate on homosexuals (and probably jerk each other off when nobody's watching). Ford's spokesperson said that the change in strategy came from budget cuts. Honestly, that's bullshit. How much does it cost to advertise with The Advocate and Out Magazine? Please.

For more information, check out Towleroad and AMERICAblog.

Monday, December 05, 2005

Oh No She Di'n't!!

... And the award for gayest thing I've seen today goes to...

...

...

Miss J from America's Next Top Model!












[If the picture isn't animated, then click over to fourfour's site to view it]

Twiggy's doing some stupid shit, too, and I'm annoyed with her because she should be back on Ab Fab and my girl Janice should be busy throwin' sass at scrawny model ass. O-Kay????

Sunday, December 04, 2005

Shut Up and Dance

I'm completely lame because I'm apparently incapable of dancing anymore. That's not to say that I have no rhythm, although that's quickly fading, but it's more about the fact that I really just can't stay in one place and dance.

Friday night I was hating on everyone and had every intention of just going out to Opaline and dancing like nobody was watching. But that didn't really happen. I got distracted by people who I hadn't seen in a while. I hadn't been to Opaline in a couple of months. I'm happy to know that despite having been MIA from Opaline for a couple of months, people still remember me. Well, they remember my face at least.

It was actually nice to see a bunch of people. I should go out more often and not be so fucking lame. But I've become such an old man that going out just kills me sometimes. Plus it's cold. It's FUCKING cold.

Thursday night was spent "Blading against AIDS" which was a lot of fun. Another situation where I bumped into people I didn't expect to see. Of course, my ass never got to "blade" against AIDS because by the time I laced up, they'd closed the ice rink. What the fuck? Oh well, the (tax deductible) money went to a good cause. More importantly, the hottest boys seem to find their way to charity events. Who knew?? Looks like I'll be attending more charity events in the future.

Speaking of hot boys. After the Blades Against AIDS thing, I hopped on over to a party Simon Rex was hosting. I got there late and he got there even later, so I only saw him for a bit before my old-man-ass was like "time to go; gotta work in the morning!" He's still lookin' DAMN good. Just as good as he did in the pornos that are on all ya'llz computers! Yumm.

Bitter Banking, at Washington Mutual

"The Buck Fifty stops here." Lies.

So much for Washington Mutual's advertising campaign about free ATM transactions. It seems that the "Buck Fifty" didn't stop, it kept going. But now it's joined by Mr. Quarter.

The last time I used a WaMu ATM, I was charged a $1.75 transaction fee. What the hell is that about?! I thought WaMu was supposed to be the free ATM. That was its whole raison d'etre! Now what is it? Just another stoopid bank with lame hours.

The worst thing of all is the fact that I didn't even hear anything in the press about Washington Mutual charging ATM fees. You would think that someone somewhere would have printed it for everyone to get angry about it.

A quick Google search resulted in this article from Reuters via MSNBC: Washington Mutual Ends Free ATM Use for All

Ok, well that's not good enough. For all the positive PR that WaMu got when it decided to offer free ATM transactions, I think it should have an equal if not greater amount of negative PR for its decision to charge a fee. The company has basically lost its competitive advantage in the minds of consumers by now behaving in the same way as all other banks. And who wants to do business with a organization that reneges on its promises.

Switch to Commerce Bank. It's better -- and has better hours.