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Sunday, February 26, 2006

"Oh Honey, Honey... Don't Take the Whole Penis in Your Mouth"

This old lady is too much. I can't handle it. Although, apparently I can handle it better than Granny... deep-throat expert she is not! Shit... this is why women are NO competition to gay men (well, except for Pepa!!). Pussies.

Saturday, February 25, 2006

Again with the Faggotry!

I think this is the third example I've posted of the same exact shit being pulled by different faggots throughout the U.S. I think my friends know I hate this kinda shit, so they send me examples.

Our latest example comes from -- where else? -- Craigslist. It's not just for finding apartments anymore! It's for finding free vacations from sugar daddies. Shameful.

TRIP UP to NYC - 18
Reply to: pers-136892135@craigslist.org
Date: 2006-02-25, 9:48AM EST

Hello i am 18 in Florida lookin for a guy who wants to bring me to NYC the week of the 4th through the 12th. I need a flight =, a place to stay and shopping. A younger wealthy guy is a huge plus. Hit me up asap.

yahoo:hcsrollins09 email is the same ok

  • this is in or around Orlando
  • yes -- it's ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

Again, I just have to reiterate: get a fucking job!!! Stop relying on others to pay for things as frivilous as your vacations! This boy definitely isn't even cute enough to pull it off. He looks like a tree stump some Hobbit shat on in the Shire!

Since he was foolish enough to post his IM and email address, feel free to harass this little bitch as much as you want. I mean, apparently "it's ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests" so hit a bitch up!

Thursday, February 23, 2006

Title: Professional Blogger

I'm SO over bloggers. I don't really understand what their point is. OK, let me preface this by saying that I don't consider myself a "Blogger". I just write and post shit that ends up on a site. It's cathartic, if nothing else. I don't presume that the bullshit that I write will have some sort of outcome or effect, I just write cuz I'm bored. I also write so I have less to discuss with my therapist every Friday... my therapist being Open Bar at Opaline.

So for everyone else of the same mindset, I'm not talking about you. I am talking about the people who have a blog as a means of becoming famous or as a means of achieving some sort of goal other than simply information-sharing. I don't really get it. It's mostly those starfucker blogs who are the culprits. And what does your business card say, anyway? "Professional Blogger?" What the hell is that?

Bloggers are simply writers without a salary. In extreme cases, they're magazines without venture capital. In both instances, if you had a salary or venture capital, you'd be an actual writer or have a full-fledged magazine, not a zero fixed-cost blog that you 'hunt and peck' into twice-daily. So let's just call blogging for what it is: poor man's publishing; because the only salary I'm trying to pay out to a blogger is a reality check.

Wednesday, February 22, 2006

Shit, That Stinks

BERLIN (Reuters) - A Bavarian village was flooded by liquid pig manure after a tank containing the fertilizer burst, German police said Wednesday.

Sewage rose to 20 inches in the courtyards and streets of Elsa after gushing from the tank, which held some 240,000 litres of pig manure.

"The village was swamped with green-brown liquid and it was pig manure -- the mother-of-all muck," said Rainer Prediger, a police spokesman in the nearby town of Coburg.


Oh yeah... that's a good time.

Monday, February 20, 2006

Dead Presidents

Three-day weekends in New York are like tourist beacons. Sunday night is like Ellis Island. Going out is a mess. Lines all the way to the horizon... line.

In an attempt to partake in the President's Day fun, I decided to go to Hiro last night. I've never had to deal with so many lines at a club. You'd think I was Kate Moss. First there was the line to get in. Then there was a line to have my ID checked. Then there was the coat check line. By the time I went through all of that, I just decided to up and leave.

I can't stand standing in lines. They're so straight!

Wednesday, February 08, 2006

Thrillist: Rock Out Without Your...

First off, if you haven't heard of Thrillist, you better get up on it. It's like Daily Candy, but for men. More importantly, I find the content to be more interesting and relevant. Daily Candy is a lot of junk sometimes.

So check out the latest tip from Thrillist on a new product called Willy Warmers, titled "Rock Out Without Your..."

Willy Warmers

During winter, you cover all your extremities -- except those most essential to your happiness. To rectify this, order a Willy Warmer, this season's coziest addition to your genital wardrobe.

The Warmer's a custom-fit, hand-knit johnson sock, with an attached pouch to secure your beans. It was designed by a Colorado man who refused to accept that frigid temperatures meant living with a shriveled unit. Both the sock and cup may be bought a la carte -- though we suggest getting the package deal.

Because all D's are special, Warmers come in a wide variety:

Materials: These range from sensible machine-washable acrylic, to wool, chenille and, for nights when you're hitting the town, lustrous mohair.

Styles: Many colors and patterns are available, as well as animals like elephants, giraffes, and of course, cocks.

Sizes: Standard sizes cover 1-12 inches, but anything longer (or God forbid, shorter) can be custom ordered. The teste-cup also comes to size, so you won't be wrestling mangoes into a thimble, or losing blueberries in a car cover.

The Warmer is on sale only via PayPal or personal check, but we've already ordered some, and found them glorious. Remember, though: the Warmer protects you from the cold. Sex with any woman who'd let you wear one during the deed guarantees some sort of infection, and it won't be the Warmer's fault.

Tuesday, February 07, 2006

Ego Check; Reality Check

It's always important to have people around who keep you grounded, or at least surround yourself with very grounded people. I endeavor to be a well-grounded person depsite whatever I may get myself into or have the opportunity to do.

Others, however, seem to have lost touch with that little personality trait called humility.

Perez Hilton seems to be in desperate need of an ego check lately, as it appears he's starting to dig his own social grave. I'm all for people being successful at what they're passionate about doing, but it's just sad when people go astray.

So click on over to Gawker for the email string between Perez and a Publicist at Harrison & Shriftman.

Here's a snipit from the email exchange:

From: Jose Martinez, Harrison & Shriftman
To: Perez Hilton
Date: 2/6/06

Someone just sent this to me….. was this comment in response to you not
being invited to our party? “The Maxim party overflowed with celebs and VIPs who
decided not to go to the Playboy party, which was very far away, at the
airport.” Thank goodness, only non-insiders read your unreliable page. You need
to really be more responsible if you desire longevity in this business. I
understand being snarky, but lies only make you look stupid in the end. I trust
you’ll see our media coverage in the coming days and see who and what our party
really was like.

From: Perez Hilton
To: Jose Martinez
Date: Mon, 6 Feb 2006 14:52:29 -0500

…You may choose not to invite me and invite a blogger who gets 1/3 of the
traffic I do, and I can choose to write whatever I play. I never claim to be
objective. In fact, I reslish in my perspective and point of view. That’s why
people visit my site, so much that I get more visitors in ONE day that visit me
than read Star or OK in one week. If and when Harrison Shriftman decides that I
am “worthy” of being invited to your events, then I will begin to give them
favorable coverage….

Sunday, February 05, 2006

Light Saber

Mmmm, I want a Jedi to whip out his light saber and use the Force on me!

Idle Threats

Bitch, when you pissed me off and I said I'd stick my foot up your ass I was dead motha-fuckin-serious!

How do ya like me now, Bitch!
OUCH!!!!! Wiggle those toes!


Because I've lost my ability to form coherent sentences and string them into paragraphs, lately I've opted to just post videos. Here's another for your viewing enjoyment.

Though now that you've seen the video, I'll ask you all to cast your vote: are these boys gay or straight?
  • They're three boys doing stoopid shit: Straight
  • They're wearing g-strings... where does one even get a g-string? Gay
  • But they're tuxedo g-strings: Straight
  • Though clearly some of them don't have pubes -- for my own sanity's sake, let's assume they're old enough to have pubes and their lack of pubes is a result of shaving: Gay
  • They have no rhythm or choreography abilities: Straight
  • They're slapping that blond boy's ass: Hot!

Thursday, February 02, 2006

Homophobia's Hatchet Hits Home

I find it hard to believe that there are actually still people out there who are so crazed and homophobic that they actually resort to violence against innocent people simply because of their sexual orientation.

An 18 year old boy, Jacob D. Robida, in New Bedford, MA allegedly took a hatchet and a gun to three guys at a gay bar. Apparently he hit one guy on the head with the hatchet, then shot him and another guy in the face (yes, in the FACE!) with a gun. Yet another guy was shot in the abdomen.

Does shit like that really happen?? I mean, I guess so, but jesus christ! I never would have expected something like that either now or along the east coast. It's just mind-boggling.

I'd be curious to understand what possessed this boy to go ape shit on people at a gay bar. More importantly, I'm curious to learn of any reaction that the local or national press or community has. It's such a gruesome crime, but I'll bet that it is all forgotten by tomorrow. Let's hope not, though.

Wednesday, February 01, 2006

Tranny Insanity

I found this clip on -- where else -- YouTube. For the hundreds? of thousands? of millions? of people who love Amanda Lepore or David LaChapelle, enjoy!