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Wednesday, July 26, 2006

My Super-Retarded Ex-Girlfriend

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!! *breath* AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!

"My Super Ex-Girlfriend" is the most motherfucking-How-the-fuck-What-the-fuck-just-happened worst movie I've ever seen!! I'm very disappointed in everyone who was a part of that movie and who knew how AWFUL it would be. Holy shit.

So let's line-itemize all the things that are fucked up with the movie, I suppose in relatively increasing order of annoyance:
  1. It makes me sad that Uma Thurman did this movie. Can't she just live off of all that Kill Bill money instead of making shitty movies like this one??
  2. Along the same lines, poor Wanda Sykes. Wanda, I love you, but damn.. are times that rough?? Come to the Dark Side, Honey -- we'll take care of you.
  3. Luke Wilson is getting fat. There, I said it. His face was so chubby. Not cute. Plus, he and/or his character was just overly neurotic, which I found completely annoying.
  4. Thankfully they used a stunt double for Luke Wilson when they did a nude scene, because holy... shit.
  5. That stupid bitch Anna Faris is in the movie. She's the space cadet from all those Scary Movie movies. Ugh -- trying to play a real role? Gag.
  6. The casting overall was just horrible. Everyone they chose -- I guess aside from Uma -- were totally the wrong people. Who the fuck did the casting for this damn movie?! Oh wait, some dude named John Papsidera. That's one for the resume, isn't it? Way to go, John. Way to go...
  7. What the fuck was up with the random scene with the Heatherette runway show?? That was the lamest 'product placement' job I've ever seen. It contributed nothing to the plot and did nothing to build the brand. Wow. How fantastically awful.
  8. I saw a lot of bitches I know in that Heatherette scene, yet I did not see myself! Now why is that?! Not that I would have wanted to be in such a shitty movie, but still... if it were a good movie, I think Richie and I would have to throw down.
  9. But by far the most atrocious thing about the movie was Rainn Wilson. He plays something of a womanizer in the film. What?? First of all, he's got to be one of the ugliest people I've seen. Second of all, he's just a horrible actor. Finally, he's fucking ugly. Yeah, he's SO ugly I had to say it twice. His face makes him look like a mutant. And he's not even funny! He's like a fat girl without a 'great' personality -- essentially worthless.
For the love of god... if you were thinking about seeing this movie, don't. I didn't even want to see it because I thought it would be really shitty. Turns out, I have ESP! Although, now I'd trade in my ESP just to get my $10.75 back.


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