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Monday, August 07, 2006

Is That Bullshit I Smell or Just the Story You're Telling Me?

I am fucking HILARIOUS!! This is a posting from my old blog that I wrote almost exactly last year. God damn. This shit is priceless.

Why do people tell me the stupidest stories that seem almost completely fabricated?

Why are the frumpiest girls telling me stories about how they met the "HOTTEST" guy this weekend and left his apt the next morning? Lies.

Why are these same girls trying to convince me, by inference, that they themselves are the "hottest" things on Satan's green earth? Don't mistake this pimp cane for a walkin' stick. I have eyes of my own, Honey! I may be gay, but I can still tell when a Bitch is toe up Fugly.

Why are boys telling me that they've hooked up with the "hottest" guy last night when I was WITH them last night and already saw who they were hooking up with? Bitch, he wasn't that hot. He wasn't even 98 Degrees hot! Rather, he was 98 Degrees hot, but looked like that ugly blond guy in the group whose name nobody knows. Not Nick, not Drew... the "other" one. Please, Bitch. Waste your breath on someone else. Don't try to convice me of your alternate reality -- I was THERE.

Ultimately, I'm just jealous that I don't live in the world of Make-Believe and can't delude myself into thinking I'm something that I'm not. It must be nice to be able to inject oneself with false bursts of self-esteem boosters. Someone write me a Rx for those pills! Then I, too, will have hooked up with the "hottest" boy and received a fake box of chocolates and two dozen roses from him the following morning. Lies.


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