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gothamwhore

Monday, January 22, 2007

Brenda Dickson: Fashion Trainwreck

Nevermind the fact that nobody knows who she is, even Lady Bunny was clueless. You can find out more about this wannaB-list celebrity by going to her website or trotting over to the wiki-page on her. But honestly, it's irrelevant. Don't waste the memory space in your head.

What's more important is knowing that Brenda Dickson is a fashion GODDESS!! Wait... I got that wrong... Brenda Dickson is a fashion HOT MESS!!!

Oh the horrid disaster that a home camcorder and a Linda Evans-esque gold dress create, and the hilarity that necessarily ensues. I give you: "Brenda Dickson - Welcome to my Home: Part I". Watch the 9-minute long video, as I will then proceed to rip it (and her) apart...



What a silly goose. It's cute that she thinks she's qualified put together an instructional video on fashion, among other things.

Brenda: "For those of you who have watched me for eleven and a half years on daytime television and have written to me and asked 'how do you look better today than you did eleven and a half years ago,' this video is for you."
What the eff is "eleven and a half years"? Isn't that the pathetical equivalent of counting your age in months? And exactly how many LOSERS actually wrote her saying she looks better now than 11.5 years ago? Baffling.

Brenda: "I say style is as important in your life as your look."
Umm... isn't 'style' somewhat synonymous with 'your look'? That's like saying 'clothes' are an important part of 'fashion'. No shit, Brenda -- I mean -- Captain Obvious.


Brenda: "What do you think of my dress? There was a time in my career where I wouldn't be caught dead in a gown like this."

Your dress is hideous. Kill the designer. You look like an Emmy without the ball above it's head. I'm hoping you wouldn't be caught dead in a dress like that EVER, but alas... there you are: gold from tragic head to tragic toe.

Brenda: "Fashion is something that can be acquired by looking at a lot of different fashions"
Hrm. I thought fashion was acquired by the swiping of my credit card at a 'fashionable' store such as... oh... Osh Kosh B'Gosh.

Nice fashion 'death chamber' -- I mean -- 'closet'. She's really stretching the term 'walk-in-closet'. Maybe she should walk out and change into something that doesn't resemble the tinsel from a tacky Christmas tree.

Brenda: "I chose an orange lipstick."
Sweetie, I think you're the only one...

Brenda: "In fashion, sometimes you play against the designer"
What does that even mean? Yes, Brenda, you are playing against the designer -- s/he wanted to make something that looks pretty, and you've managed to muck it up with your 'style'.

Brenda: "Ostrich feathers, anyone?"
Oh jesus christ... pass.

Brenda: "I swept my hair over to the side. This makes it look a little different"
If by 'different' you mean 'mentally retarded', then yes Brenda, yes.

Brenda: "In shopping, you'll find that your eye will be drawn to the things that you like"
No shit, really??

Brenda: "Lace has been around for thousands of years. This is a very beautiful, simple dress. I've added a hat to dress it up."
Her statements really make no sense. It's fairly irrelevant how long lace has been around, though surely it hasn't been around for a thousand years. And that dress is quite simple. It simply took a thousand Chinese sweatshop workers to bang out that little black number, which she's so kindly paired with a hideous hat 'to dress it up'.

Brenda: "The neckline on this dress is what really makes it interesting"
Hun, can ya come up with a more descriptive adjective besides 'interesting'? Moreover, the neckline on that dress is what makes it look costume-appropriate for the Ice Capades!

Brenda: "Suede and leather can also be very dressy. You can dress up a look by adding a dressy accessory."
So wait... if I want to look dressy, I should dress up with dressy things, particularly dressy accessories? Duly noted.

Brenda: "The puff sleeves on this dress made it particularly interesting"
Gee, if something's not dressy then it must be interesting. I know someone who's getting a Thesaurus for her 45th birthday!!

I can't go on... it's too painful... but you get the idea. I appreciated the tour of her Mini-Me closet inside of her sprawling Hollywood condo, but -- much like her fans and the rest of Hollywood -- it's time to say, "So long, Brenda Dickson!"

3 Comments:

  • Brenda: "What do you think of my dress?
    Babe, I would gladly tell you, but I am busy choking back the chunks of vomit at the moment…

    I’m sorry but did she say “notice the slit,” or “notice the clit,” because I think I can see both…

    This woman is the antichrist of fashion and style – don’t look directly into her eyes!

    By Anonymous Brian, at 1/22/2007 10:33 AM  

  • If she uses the word "dress" or "fashion" one more time, I'm going hop into my time machine, zip back to the 80s, and effing stab her!

    By Blogger gothamwhore, at 1/22/2007 11:03 AM  

  • She looks like Julia Sugarbaker's retarded cousin.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 1/26/2007 8:12 PM  

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