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Wednesday, February 28, 2007

A Moment on the Lips, a Lifetime of Motor-Oil Sips

I know I'm really behind on the whole "homophobic Snickers commercial" debate, but I've been busy concerning myself with more important things like Britney's new shaved head and the sociological implications thereof. Right...

If you're even later than me in the whole debate, here are some postings from Towleroad and AmericaBlog about the commercial. You can see the actual commercial via the Towleroad link.

Basically, people have been saying that the ads were homophobic and should be pulled from the air. I say, keep them on the air. Discuss it, debate it, make a whole PR stink about it and keep everything out there so everyone can see for themselves just who's homophobic and who isn't. Apparently there were four different versions of the Snicker SuperBowl ad, each with a different ending. Of the four, only one had a positive portrayal of the same-sex Lady and the Tramp-style kiss. The others had negative endings, with one resulting in the two mechanics washing their mouths out with motor oil. Delightful.

What's even better is that the Snicker's website (which I don't care to link to) contained commentary from pro sports athletes reacting to the commercial. Naturally they all showed disgust at a man-on-man kiss. That's fine. I think everyone's entitled to their own opinion, just as the global consumer is entitled to know what those athletes' reactions were and can hence judge them accordingly.

The ad itself was basically pathetic; the result of an extremely unbrilliant creative team at TBWA\Chiat\Day. Was that honestly the best concept they had to run with? Surely there must have been better ideas. To some of the people who read my blog and work at TBWA\Chiat\Day, I hope you weren't on that project because you probably should have vetoed the spot on the spot. Although, the ad wasn't as annoying as the "Snickerlicious" print campaign. Snore.

Ultimately, the commercial might be able to be deemed a success. It created a strong buzz, possibly enamoring one consumer segment with Snickers and further alienating another from the brand. Ultimately, homos probably aren't part of Snickers' core "fat-adding candy bar" consumer group, whereas homophobic white trash / mechanics probably are.

It's a bit odd that Masterfoods, the company that owns Mars and Snickers, refuses to issue an apology. Apparently the family that owns Masterfoods is really into the Republican party and the Masterfoods company scored a 6 out of 100 on HRC's company index. In the end, I think this is another reason why all the video clips and media should remain on Snickers' site. Just own your homophobia. At least we'll know where everyone stands; there's no point in hiding it.

I'd like to call for an immediate boycott of all Masterfoods / Mars Incorporated products (ie, Snickers, M&Ms, Uncle Ben's, Three Musketeers, Combos, Milky Way, Twix, Starburst, Skittles, and Kudos), not only because the company seems to be homophobic in its actions, but also because I really don't want to see people getting fat from their products. More specifically, I really just don't want to see any fat people at all.

Monday, February 26, 2007

Happy Birthdaze!

Birthday shout outs!!

First goes to Patricia Field because, despite the fact that she was ROBBED of an Oscar last night, she's still a sassy lady and is way cooler than that French bitch who did win the Oscar. I actually have no clue when her actual birthday is, but she's having her party tomorrow, so that's all I needs to know. Good times.

And my amazing friend Brian is having his birthday party this Friday, despite his birthday being on Wednesday. Woohoo!!!

My awesome friend, Lara's birthday is this Saturday. I haven't talked to her in forever, but she's awesome. Hence, she's my "awesome friend Lara" :)

I feel like there are a bunch of other people whose birthdays are around this time, but I can't remember off the top of my head and I can't figure out how to get to that "Upcoming Birthdays" page in MySpace, so oh well.

Saturday, February 24, 2007

Shut Up, Dyke!

I feel like Rosie O'Donnell should spend less time speaking and more time eating. That's really what she wants to do anyway, so why break from her natural desire. First it's the whole pointless tiff with Donald Trump, and now she's moved on to making fun of Asians.

This fat bitch just can't catch a break. Apparently she was confronted about her blatantly ignorant and racist rant and brushed it off as people not being able to take a joke. Well honey, last time I checked, jokes are supposed to be funny. All I heard was canned laughter from the audience, so that doesn't really cut it. I wonder what her equally as dimwitted 'colleagues' on The View were thinking as Rosie went on her "ching chong" tirade. Joy was probably like, "God, I could never get away with this shit on national TV!"

Meanwhile, this Asian guy posted a response to Rosie's comments, which I found to be thought-provoking. See, Asian's are smart! It's kinda cunty, too, which makes it all the better! The best part is "I don't even speak chinese, but I can do a better impression than that!"

Basically, I feel like Asians are the least vocal minority and are constantly being walked over, so I'm glad someone said something about it. LORD knows that if Rosie made some comments that offended black people, she'd be holding a press conference the next day apologizing profusely as fake tears drip down her cheek. But alas, since it's about Asians, there is no press conference.

Gays are somewhere in the middle, I think. It's still socially acceptable to publically rag on homos without extreme repercussions, though just think of the various levels of media outcry if someone called someone else a "Nigger" vs. "Fag" vs. "Chink" on television. Double standards are fun!

Please Don't Go

So maybe I turned out gay because I grew up listening to this kind of music. I've never seen the video for this song until now, but damn, it's pretty fuckin' gay. I mean, this guy's a big ol' queen!

There's a better version of this song (audio quality-wise) here, in case you want to take a trip in your time machine.

PS - mid-90s eurodance music is totally going to be part of the theme to my birthday party, so you better brace yourself! Yeah, get REAL scared!!!

Friday, February 23, 2007

Tunnel of Fun

I've decided that I need a little weird tunnel to dance in front of like the one in this video, complete with strobe light and backup dancers. That would really complete my Friday night experience.

Thursday, February 22, 2007

You Wanna be on TV, too??

Dear god, it looks like yet another pathetic judge is vying for his own reality TV show. The judge presiding over Anna Nicole's burial case seems like he's all about the pointless theatrics and less about the actual ruling of the law. The pussy wept during his ruling and apparently would go off on verbose tangents during the trial.

That's just GREAT. As if the American legal system weren't inefficient enough, now we've got judges doing a little song and dance in the hope that they'll land their on "Judge Judy" type show. Sadly, I'm sure some stupid producer out there will give him his own show because, in America, incompetence is rewarded with fame.

Case in point: the case in point -- Anna Nicole Smith. Made famous by her titty-flashing abilities, which was ultimately exacerbated by her utter skank and shamelessness from marrying the dying old rich man, the complete worthlessness of Anna Nicole's life is exactly what made her famous. Why? Because the American public eats that kinda shit up.

Predictions: Someone involved in this whole fiasco (the judge, the parents, the infant daughter, one of the alleged baby-daddies) will get their own reality TV show. God bless America.

Potter's Un-Hairy Ass

Oooo, all this excitement, debate, and drama over Harry Potter / Daniel Radcliffe being nude in the new play he's in. Meh, get over it. Here's his ass, so get it out of your system:

I'm kinda not that impressed. They could have photoshopped it so it didn't look as saggy or something. Oh well. Maybe the front's better than the back. And honestly, isn't that what really matters anyway? I'm talking about his face, you know :) Perv.

Wednesday, February 21, 2007

Lovin' Oh L'Amour

I just found the best clip ever! Well, it's not the best, but still, I'm happy that I found it. It's an acoustic version of Erasure's Oh L'Amour.

The last time I was at an Erasure concert it was this bizzare mix of half Gays and half Asians. Honestly, I'm not sure how many Gay Asians there were there, but that would have made for a fun little venn diagram of people. It was actually a really good concert and now I'm wishing I went to see them again since I'm pseudo-obsessed with them. Well, not really since I don't know all their songs and all that, but I love the songs of theirs that I know. I probably should have conveyed more enthusiasm for the group when I was introduced to Andy Bell two years ago when he was spinning at Avalon. Whoops.

Gymin' it

This is why I don't exercise; because clumsy shit happens when you're not good at it.

Taxicab Confessions

I don't understand why cab drivers feel the need to make passes at me. I also don't understand why they go through this whole song and dance to do it, too.

At first I thought I was being racially profiled as three cabs passed me by, failing to pick me up. That's not cool! So finally this cab picks me up. I'm all about making small talk with the cabbies since, honestly, what the fuck else is there to do? And honestly, sometimes it's fun when you get a gay cab driver. One time I had a gay one and he totally was all about helping my friend and I check out these boys in the cab driving next to us.

But it's a bit disturbing when they start hitting on you. This guy was making all sorts of pointless small talk, asking me where I was from, if I had a good night, etc. I decided to do the whole "phone call fake-out" thing where I check my voicemails and then desperately try to call someone just so I don't have to talk to the cabbie. Didn't work; he kept talking to me.

He started by offering me his nuts. Pistachio. I politely declined. He asked where I was from. I answered. He said he was from India. I pretended to care. He asked if I was a model. I choked on my own laughter. I purposely got dropped off a block from my building, just in case. He kept talking -- I was almost afraid he wouldn't let me leave. When I finally left, he said "give me your hand" and extended his. Not knowing what the fuck that meant, I just shook his hand and jumped out of the cab. He drove away, honking as if to get my attention again. There was no point in turning around. I was too busy thinking about how I have to get home and wash my hand.

Sunday, February 18, 2007

Happy New Year!!

It's Chinese New Year today! Thank you CNN for telling me because I otherwise wouldn't have known. It's the year of the pig! Apparently I unknowingly celebrated last night circa 1am by eating a side of bacon with my belgian waffle. How festive!!

Saturday, February 17, 2007

2007 Pill Awards

Well, I'm not too sure what the Pill Awards are, but they've gathered a shitload of 'names' and dropped them all on the floor, so it seems like it's a compelling spectacle to be seen. I honestly wouldn't have much of an inclination to go, in spite of that, but then I read that the House of Ninja is performing and they're doing a tribute for Willi Ninja, so now I'm there. It's next Wednesday evening.

Here's ALLLL the info about it:

Next Magazine & DList present The 2007 Pill Awards (Best of ADD-TV,
Season 4). Hosted by Peaches Christ. Performances by Nominees:
Guest Star Performance by THE ONES. Pill Presenters - Peppermint, Ari
Gold, Jonny McGovern, Sweetie, Davey Makout, Josh Zuckerman, Triple
Creme, Daniel Nardiccio, Carmella Cann, Matthew Duffy, Naked Highway,
Nita Aviance, Jay McCarroll, Michael Formika Jones, Athena Reich,
Gisele, Francis Legge, Reed McGowan, Bridgette Everett, Mother Juan
Aviance, Clover Honey, Ken Kleiber, & THE HOUSE OF NINJA.


-BEST Short Winner PRIZE courtesy of Punkmouse
-This year's Pill Audience WILL have the PILL-POWER TIE-BREAKER VOTE!

check out PILL AWARDS on DLIST at www.dlist.com/pillawards
(and add-tv.com)

50 W 17 St (East of 6th Ave)
7pm - Preshow
8-10pm - SHOWTIME
2 for 1 drinks til 10pm

Thursday, February 15, 2007

Tim Hardaway is Homophobic

In case you don't know, Tim Hardaway is like a basketball player or something. He went on the radio and was talking about that other basketball player who came out, then proceeded to say insanely hateful shit. Have a looksee!

Do people really think this way? Of course they do, but they should really get therapy for it.

I'm curious to find out what the net result is after this "apology", calling his comments a "mistake". Yeah, no shit. Unfortunately, to him it's a "mistake" because it's something that'll get him fired. It's not a "mistake" to him because it's something that actually is morally wrong. What a jackass. They should fire him anyway.

Americans are Stupid

Ok, I'll be the first to admit that I'm not always up on global current events, because honestly it's always the same shit going on -- suicide bombing and the like. But seriously, these people are fantastically stupid. At one point some woman actually says "diaper head" in reference to a turban. Wow. Then they ask the black man which state KFC comes from and he doesn't know the answer. Game over!!! Standardized tests have failed us, kids!

Here are some more simple questions that people got egregiously incorrect:

"Name a country that starts with a U"

- "Uhhh... Utah?"

"What's the religion of Israel?"
- "Muslim?"

"What religion are buddhist monks?"
- "??"

"How many sides does a triangle have?"
- "There's no sides. One?"
- "Four."

AMAZING!!!! What about "How stupid are people in Rectangle States?" REAL fuckin' stupid!

Stupid people are why democracy doesn't work. To prove my point, I reiterate the last quote from the clip: "Whatever he thinks is right; he's from Texas, he's gotta be right."

Wednesday, February 14, 2007

Mad TV Homocrombie

Since I live under a rock and don't watch TV, let alone skit shows that run on Saturday night, I just found out about these Abercrombie skits on Mad TV. They're entertaining because they're on the verge of being funny, but aren't completely there yet. It basically seems way too amateuristic, but alas, such is Mad TV :)

Tuesday, February 13, 2007

Ikea Commercial

Babies laugh at the craziest things! This kid's laugh cracks me up!

Notice the new "stickam" video. Bye bye, Youtube! (YouCunt!)

Monday, February 12, 2007

Telograph in NYC

I just found out one of my favorite bands, Telograph, is going to be playing at Sin-E on Attorney and Stanton in the LES this Sunday, Feb 18th @ 8pm. They opened for O.A.R. in DC a couple weeks ago. If you haven't heard of them, check out their website and you can listen to some of their songs. Or even better, you can buy their new CD "Little Bits of Plastic". Or at the very least, you can add them to your MySpace friends list.

So if you're around, definitely check them out. I wish I could make it, but I'll be out of town for the weekend at the beach house. Yeah, "beach house" in the middle of the winter... that's a whole other story. You gotta get out of Manhattan every now and then, right?

Sunday, February 11, 2007

Fashion Week: Live it, Learn it

Well, Fashion Week is officially over. So here's a list of practical lessons learned from the week's events:
  1. Always bring your invite - Forget having your name on the list. You need tangible evidence that you're supposed to be there and waiting for some dumb bitch with a list to look up your name might eat into precious "sit and look pretty" time.
  2. Steal shit from the giftbags - Once you've taken your seat, take everything out of the gift bag and put it in your purse, leaving the giftbag behind. Then take more stuff from other giftbags around you, just in case. The afterparty tickets for Heatherette were these quirky 3D glasses. Since some of our friends couldn't get into the show, but wanted to go to the afterparty, we had to somehow get more glasses... so we thefted them.
  3. Don't bring your kid to the Tents - If you think a child is this season's newest "must have" accessory, then you shouldn't be in Fashion. Leave the kids at home or tie them to the curb and pick them up when the show's over.
  4. If you're going to steal someone's seat, do it in the 4th row - First row is for people who need to be seen, second row is for people actually there to get work done (eg, editors, buyers, stylists, etc.), third row is the 'overflow' row in case more editors and the like arrive. The 4th row is close enough to have a good view and far enough back that nobody's going to bother bumping you. Make sure you take all the shit out of the giftbag!
  5. When sitting front row, try not get caught laughing at the designer's clothes - In this particular instance, this boy shouldn't have even been in the front row (especially based on the breakdown I provided in point #4), since he clearly falls into the category outlined in point #7.
  6. Social ties are the week's "must wear" item - You can have all the invites and seat assignments in the world, but if you don't know anyone, you could still be relegated to "standing room only" or barred from the Tents all together. Alternatively, if you know the right people, you may not even need an invite and you'll be immediately whisked away past the crowds and into a nice comfy seat.
  7. Everyone's a poseur - There are lots of people out there pretending to be 'someone' when they're not, trying to capitalize on Fashion Week: a "Fashion Director" named Carl(os) from the (apparently) deceased Stitch Magazine, a wannabe named EricAndrew who steals email addresses then spams out emails to complete strangers with pictures of himself with 'celebrities' during Fashion Week, and a "tall blond model wearing a black Armani blazer from this season's collection, white Gucci pants, and Prada snake skin shoes" named Marco who (so far) seems to be as real as Fantasy Island (and just as tacky).
And there you have it. Feel free to add any lessons of your own. I'm sure I can come up with more, but as you know I'm pretty lazy. And this pretty much encompasses most of it.

Grease: You're NOT the ones that I want

I caught a half hour of that show "Grease: You're the One that I Want", which is like American Idol for the forthcoming Broadway show Grease. Horrible.

I don't understand the McDonaldization of pop culture. Haha, isn't that a circular string of logic? Whatever. Maybe it's more like the bastardization of pop culture. I don't really have a problem with them conducting a 'nation-wide' search for talent to cast Grease. Rather, my issue lies with the fact that they didn't really find any talented people. I also assume that anyone who's a 'professional' slashie (singer/actor/dancer/waiter) was excluded from the auditioning process. So effectively the show is being cast with newbies. Untalented newbies.

Of all the people I saw on the show, almost none of them could sing. They were all fairly flat and really just not talented enough to be on Broadway. Not that I'm the best person to judge, but I think my ears can tell if a note is flat -- I mean, all the notes that come out of my mouth are flat, hence I don't sing!

Ultimately, Americans are being subjected and relegated to sub-par entertainment via Reality TV and a lame 'Broadway' cast. When did it come to this?? Is it that everyone is vying for their pathetic 15 minutes of fame that they need to create these bullshit Reality TV shows to accommodate this desire?

In the end, the whole sub-par talent con won't work, since people simply won't go to see Grease on Broadway. It'll get horrible reviews and fail. Alas...

YouTube Sucks

YouTube sucks my asshole. They deleted the hilarious video I posted about that crazy Canadian woman who was high and started stripping. Apparently it violated their Terms of Use. Pussies. I gues some Nazi in the YouTube "Community" flagged it as inappropriate and now it's gone. Shitty thing is that I can't seem to find where the original file was, so now I can't even watch it for a good laugh. How sad :(

I think it's time to boycott YouTube and switch over to something else, like Stickam. Fuckin' YouTube twats...

YouTube | Broadcast Yourself™

Dear Member:

After being flagged by members of the YouTube community and reviewed by YouTube staff, the video below has been removed due to its inappropriate nature.

Honey I'm a Little High: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=83vMzkSwbco

Please refer to our Terms of Use and the Community Guidelines for more information on what video material is not permitted on YouTube.

— The YouTube Team

Wednesday, February 07, 2007

Fashion Police Barricade

Getting in to the Tents for the Heatherette show was in-sane. For some reason they decided to block off the Tents so nobody could get in and relied solely on one scatter-brained PR girl (ugh... worthless!), with a pile of paper she was referring to as "the list", to let people into the Tents to see the show. Fucking MADNESS.

I'd say that girl needs to be fired for being completely incompetent, but that's probably a bit extreme. She just needs extra training or something. She kept flipping through the list in an unorderly fashion. Honey, work it out. It's your job. Then she kept complaining that her hands were frozen. Yeah hi, you're not the only one standing outside, but you are the only one getting paid to stand outside, so work it out. It's your job. Then she held back people who clearly should have just been allowed to walk through. Andre J. was standing outside for more than 10 minutes. He's the PR guy for Patricia Field! Don't you know who he is? He's only got a huge blond afro. Learn who's who. It's your job. Yeah, the girl needs to go to PR University.

After we finally made our way in (no thanks to PR girl!), we were taken to another holding pen, waiting around to be moved into the tent. Thank GOD we managed to get waved in before the rest of the angry mob and were able to take proper seats for the show.

The after party was equally as mob-like, with people pushing and shoving to get in. Less skillful social neophytes shouted out 'important' peoples' names in a pointless attempt at being recognized as 'special' and pulled into the venue. Others calmly waited with their actual afterparty ticket in hand. Meanwhile, I was busy making sure my head wasn't clubbed with the back of a TV camera.

It was a night of making it past one obstacle after another. Some fun was had along the way, but the endurance required was completely unnecessary.

In the end, I thought the show was a lot of fun, the clothes were predominantly unwearable, with a few pieces being actually interesting -- the theme was Wizard of Oz, but at some points it seemed like the scene from a car accident (neon greens, shiny tape, and black). Fashion Wire Daily, however, had a different opinion.

Tuesday, February 06, 2007

"OMG, I just saw Andrew Keegan!" "Who?"

Seriously, why doesn't anyone know who Andrew Keegan is? Am I the only one??

I think I'm going to have to become his part-time lover full-time publicist to spread the word that he exists. Doesn't anyone remember him from 10 Things I Hate About You and Broken Hearts Club? Or even worse, that quasi-skinemax movie, Teenage Caveman. Man, that was a bust... mostly because I don't think it had any full frontal. Weak.

His pictures on IMDB don't seem like they're the best. He actually looks kinda busted in some of them. In desperate need of a publicist!!! Regardless, he's hot -- at least, in the dim lighting under which I saw him. He was looking pretty queer at the O.A.R. after party, though. I did a double-take when I saw him stomping around in his fuzzy boots and cardigan.

Monday, February 05, 2007

Take That Little Shit Out of My Seat!

I don't understand why people insist on bringing children to adult places. I'll only say this once: "NO BABIES ALLOWED AT FASHION WEEK!!"

I went to the Tracy Reese show yesterday and saw a bunch of little babies and toddlers at the tents. What the fuck is going on?! A runway show is NO place for a child. I'm sorry. I know it's a show, but some people (not me, I'm just there to look pretty) are trying to actually get some work done!

More importantly, get your little baby out of my fucking seat! Unless that baby is a Stylist or works at Conde Nast, I don't think it's supposed to be in that seat, so lift it up and move it on out!

Having a baby is a conscious choice. Thanks to wonderful inventions such as the morning after pill and abortions, women can choose to have or not have a baby. Unfortunately, they fail to fully understand the consequences of that choice, one of which being that you can't take that damn thing everywhere you go! It's not an oversized clutch, it's a noise-making bag of shit and water! If you're too cheap to find a sitter, then maybe that should have been factored into your "should I or shouldn't I have this baby" analysis. But I shouldn't have to be pestered with peoples' poor decision-making abilities.

So the next time I see a baby or toddler at Fashion Week, I'm going to club it over the head with a bottle of Moet, pop the cork, and toast my baby-less existence!

Sunday, February 04, 2007

Ms. Shondra

Amateur drag queens are kinda fun, yet lack comedic refinement. Maybe if she snapped less and stopped using it as a punchline, she wouldn't scream "neophyte". Alas, she's mildly entertaining.

Saturday, February 03, 2007

Gay Personality Disorder

I came across this wikipedia entry on Histrionic Personality Disorder, that I found quite interesting. Have a read:

"In psychiatry, histrionic personality disorder (HPD), or hysterical personality disorder, is a personality disorder which involves a pattern of excessive emotional expression and attention-seeking, including an excessive need for approval and inappropriate seductiveness, that usually begins in early adulthood.

The essential feature of the histrionic personality disorder is a pervasive and excessive pattern of emotionality and attention-seeking behavior. These individuals are lively, dramatic, enthusiastic, and flirtatious. They may be inappropriately sexually provocative, express strong emotions with an impressionistic style, and be easily influenced by others."

Hi. Thanks for describing almost every gay man I know. Well, in particular, every gay slashie I know. That's an actor /slash/ singer /slash/ dancer /slash/ model /slash/ waiter. A pentuple-threat! Or no threat at all, depending on your perspective.

Friday, February 02, 2007

Viral Insanity

I wish all bathroom attendants were this animated. Har har.

Thursday, February 01, 2007

Balls Out Hotness

Something out this picture is amiss...

Any idea what it could be?

Fashion Ho!

It's Fashion Week!! And just like on Project Runway, "the competition is fierce!!!"

Well, it's not so much a competition between the designers as much as it is a competition among everyone else to see who can see the most shows and go to the most parties. Eventually I get burnt out and surely stricken with some sort of exhaustion-related illness, but it's fun to give it a go twice a year.

Last night was MAO Magazine's party, attended by all the 'usual suspects'. Lots of fun, though.

Tonight is the official party Mercedes-Benz is throwing to kick off Fashion Week. I can't wait to see Anna Wintour use her Medusa-like glare to rip apart anyone that stands between her and -- well -- just about whatever the hell she wants. Very exciting!!

There Goes the Bride

If you haven't seen this clip yet, you really should watch it. It's tragic and hysterical.

The video was apparently filmed just hours before the Bride's wedding. She doesn't like her hair, so she decides to go ape shit and start hacking away at it herself. REAL smart move. Her tears of pain produce my tears of hilarity.

It's a documentary of one spoiled brat's descent into insanity, and the shitty friends she's managed to surround herself with, who appear to be paralyzed by their own idiocy and apathy for the Bride's predicament.

Best quote of all...

"I look like a boy! I can't get married like this!! I'm so embarassed!!! Why did I cut my hair?! Why did you let me cut my hair!? If you laugh one more time, I won't be your friend anymore!"

Bitch needs a valium. Oh, and some new hair. heh heh :)