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Friday, March 02, 2007

Copious Notes on a Scandal

Coo coo ca-choo, Mrs. Ward! Looks like life is imitating art down in Clinton, South Carolina. Well, it seems like a boring place, so surely there's nothing better to do. So why not whittle away your free time between recess and 7th period by having sex with underaged students? It's almost a logical choice... for the mentally insane.

It seems that 23yo middle school teacher Allenna Williams Ward, flatteringly pictured at the right, has identified a little too closely with Cate Blanchette's character from Notes on a Scandal. Ward has been arrested for "allegedly" having sex with 5 teenage boys, ages 14 and 15. Now as tasty as it may seem to bed a teen -- lord knows the boy in Notes on a Scandal was hot! -- let's just hope there was at least some grass on the field before Mrs. Ward (yeah, she's married!) stepped up to bat.

"Class" is in session.

Naturally, some of the boys she boink'd were her students -- let's hope they got an "A" instead of an S, T, D. That's really priceless; who says the American education system is broken? We have hands-on, interactive sex education courses complete with Happy Ending. Take THAT, Japan!! Not only did this 'learning' take place in school, but it also involved field trips to culture-exposing places like a motel, a park, and behind a restaurant. If that's not class, then I don't know what is. I hope they tipped their cleaning lady because those sheets must have been soiled with sin!

Allenna Ward is being held in jail. The only thing left for her to do now is sketch out plans for her own Reality TV show, which will most likely launch with a gut-wrenching appearance on Oprah or Dr. Phil where she admits she has a problem and likes tasty teens, but is helpless to do anything about it. The reality show will most likely feature her going through rehab, subsequently relapsing and banging a boy every other episode. It'll air on WE: Women's Entertainment Television opposite The Bachelor. Stay tuned, horny teachers are standing by.


  • I little sour Grapes eh? Upset that you didn't have a teacher like this to show you the ropes??

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 3/03/2007 1:17 PM  

  • Babe, clearly you're not paying attention. I'd only be interested in teachers who have ropes to show me :)

    And my grapes are just fine, right one hanging lower than the left, thank you.

    By Blogger gothamwhore, at 3/03/2007 11:10 PM  

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