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Tuesday, July 31, 2007

Shamu Gives Birth

If you haven't seen this clip yet, then brace yourself.

Now, I have two questions:

1) How did she get pregnant? Not like, 'birds and the bees' how, but more like WHO would fuck her so she could get pregnant?? Did she like randomly sit in sperm or something?? What the fuuuuuck. Apparently she has a boyfriend.

2) On that note, how does this whale of a woman have a boyfriend and I don't?? What type of sick fucked up world do we live in where someone five times my size, who probably weighs at least a metric ton, has a boyfriend and a baby and I'm just chillin by myself?!

It boggles the mind. She is quite a big bitch, though. Maybe she should start a health Fat Fighters diet of low-in-carbs dust.

Thursday, July 26, 2007

"I can't remember why I don't like him"

My friend sent me this hilarious IM conversation that I just had to post. Faggots can be so vicious!! [Note: some names have been changed to protect the innocent. Others have remained the same to condemn the retarded]

Chase (12:13:39 AM): how was the soccer thing?
Kevin (12:13:49 AM): it was alright
Kevin (12:14:04 AM): Tyler went for like $550 and was bought by that annoying kid Alex who I don't like
Chase (12:14:22 AM): Hmm ... remind me who annoying Alex is again...
Chase (12:14:30 AM): there are so many ppl you don't like -- hard to keep track.
Kevin (12:14:46 AM): wvadman_ on Manhunt
Chase (12:15:06 AM): uggg --- i hate him too
Chase (12:15:13 AM): he makes me throw up a little in my mouth
Kevin (12:15:15 AM): HAHAHAHAHA
Kevin (12:15:16 AM): why don't you like him? I can't remember why I don't like him
Chase (12:15:32 AM): he hit on me obsessively at roxy
Chase (12:15:40 AM): try to take advantage of me bc i was drunk
Kevin (12:15:49 AM): that's classy
Chase (12:15:58 AM): and was stalkerish when i saw him after -- he'd walk by me looking all creepy and predatory
Kevin (12:16:00 AM): and now he's buying boys for dates
Chase (12:16:13 AM): look at his hairline! does he really have a choice?
Kevin (12:16:47 AM): HAHAHAHA

Tuesday, July 24, 2007

Fat Fighters!

So my friend forced me to watch this show over and OVER, but it's actually really hilarious. This is the only version I could find on YouTube, which explains why it has Spanish (??) subtitles. Whatever. It's still hilarious. Little Britain cracks me up!

Friday, July 20, 2007

Playing on the Right Team

This video is outta control. Somehow I think I missed out on a whole lot of straight guy action. Maybe it's a European thing. Either way, this shit is ridiculous.

Someone sign me up for this Rugby team. I don't know how to play. And I can't throw or catch. But I'd look cute in the uniform and would boost team morale. I'd be the cocksucking MVP of that motherfuckin' team!

Monday, July 09, 2007


OMG, I want a puppy! They're so cute! Well, I want to rent, not own. There's no way I could take care of another living thing when I can barely make sure I'm fed on time.